What is it about people that makes them dislike change? I know I've pondered this before and I think it all boils down to the mortality and finality of it all. I mean all these questions people have about themselves, others, their lives, all it boils down to is "What does it all mean?"

People don't like change because it reminds them, either directly or subconsciously that in the end, nobody knows why things happen and that no matter what you do, it will all end. Life is all directed towards reaching immortality. By buying things I can somehow prolong my short existence and prove that I was here. The scuffs and wear on my shoes isn't just some fashion statement, its a reminder of the places I've walked, things I've seen, some sort of physical proof that I have done things with my time. By exercising and eating right, I can preserve the youth that I have and maybe extend it just a bit longer. When you're young, possibilities are still open, there is still life to be lived, but slowly, day by day, moment by moment, its a countdown towards coming to grips with the reality of the situation. I suppose it seems a bit depressing and maybe comforting in a sense, but the reality is that the world will continue no matter what you do, with or without you and in the end, because nothing lasts forever, you just have to let go. (I'm pretty sure I lifted that last part from Benjamin Button.)

So what does it boil down to? Religion seeks to answer that, but it feels like its just a way to avoid the grim reality of things. I hate that I'm not religious. I hate hate hate it. It would be so much easier to have some sort of blind faith in some man made answer that billions of people before me have put their trust into. Its comforting. If I knew that I had that answer, it frees me to live my life to the fullest and achieve things that I want knowing that is how its meant to be. But I cannot.

So where does that leave me? If it is hopeless and the banal, inescapable truth is that it will come to an uneventful ending, how do you cope with that? Doesn't accepting that mean you're now free to live life to the fullest and achieve things that you want knowing that is how you are meant to do it? Was that too cheesy a conclusion? Probably. But what other way is there?

I think I've realized this before and maybe I'm just reinforcing the lesson, but if its all going to come to an end, then all we have is in that moment, right? I know this isn't anything new but I suppose thats part of what its all about, realizing that experiencing as much as possible in what finite time we are allotted is where its at. This isn't one of the carpe diem things. Well, perhaps it is, in a manner of speaking, but what it really is, for me, is understanding that while nothing lasts forever, in each moment, it can. And in hopefully knowing that, maybe I can learn to experience and enjoy each moment without looking forward (or backwards) too much. Talk about cheesy.

I don't have any clue what I'm doing.