I've gotten myself into some conundrums recently. I feel like I'm on the verge of something, like I feel myself changing. Tonight I auditioned for a part in the flashback production this year and I enjoyed it. I realize that I'm 25 now, but its like I've only recently begun to live my life. In the past year and a half I've had more fun and experienced more about myself than I feel like I have ever before. And I don't know if its just tonight, but I sense that I'm going to be a very different person in a relatively short amount of time. It isn't inevitable or anything, but I just feel like I'm on the fence and I just need a push, either from an outside source or from myself even.

The biggest change I can point to, I guess, is that I've become more open and talkative. I've always had a problem sharing myself I think and this blog was an outlet, which is why I haven't written a whole lot, I haven't needed to. I thought I wasn't writing because I wasn't having any life experiences, but I sort of realized that its possible that I wasn't writing because I didn't need to. I was enjoying these life experiences with other people. I'm not even sure that makes sense as I write it.

But what I'm afraid of is that if I change too much, what I've learned about myself will no longer apply. Not long ago, it was brought to my attention that I have some small skill that encourages people to trust me and open up. I like that people trust me, but with these changes in me that I foresee in my future, I feel that I'll change and I'll know less about myself once again. Like its taken me this long to learn how little I know about myself and who I am, and man, has it been a long time, and just as soon as I think I've gotten a grip on things, here we go again.

Why is it that I fear change? Do I like where I am and I want to stay? Or is it because I'm not sure whats to come? Just when things are getting comfortable, y'know? Sigh. Here we go again.