Thinking back on Flashback, I had a really great time. The two performance nights were amazing. Especially while we were getting ready for the show. I was bouncing off the walls, although that may have been the energy drinks I chugged. I like being a part of something like that. It makes me feel all warm inside. Not just because I was helping charity, but because I felt like part of a team. But I love writing about sad things, so heres what makes me sad about it. Flashback was so much fun and I got to know so many people, but when it ended, I didn't feel overly sad like I thought I might. I also lost my camera and that was a giant bummer, since I just got it something like three weeks ago. And people would tell me "I'd be bawling my eyes out" or "I'd be sooo sad if I lost my camera," and while I wasn't exactly happy about losing my camera, I didn't get overly distraught about it, for the most part. And I realized that I don't get very emotional about anything, not any more at least.

On the inside, I want to feel emotional about things. I try to psyche myself up and be excited about performing in Flashback. And I ran around singing songs and I was definitely hyped up but as far as being melancholy over the end of flashback and not seeing people anymore, I wasn't too broken up. I will certainly miss the nights and I wish I could see them more often because almost everybody on the team was nice to me and a joy to be around. But that got me thinking that I wasn't super sad about leaving Rome either. It was for sure bittersweet but I wasn't welling up with tears. I think I've become too emotionally detached from the world around me. Why that is, I don't know.

The last time I was really truly sad about leaving someplace or someone leaving me was in 10th grade of high school. My friend Tina was graduating and she wrote in my yearbook that I was like the little brother she never had. And I guess it was the wording and the fact that she told me something that touching and it was the first time I had known somebody who was going to leave me, changing the dynamic of my relationship with them that got me. I was extremely sad over her graduating and I can't say I've ever felt quite so sad about the end of something as I was then. Have I become a closed hearted person because I'm afraid of revealing my true feelings to people? Or have I just not found the right situation in which I would trust someone enough that we would care about each other that much? I really hope I haven't become so emotionally detached that I cannot have a relationship like that again, romantic or otherwise.

In any case, I still loved participating and being a part of Flashback. Thanks you for everybody who came and who participated in the fun! Get it blue!

On a different subject, I was sort of drunk after flashback and I was talking to somebody about how I feel about other people, and it may have been my asian glow talking for me, but I said there are a few people I would sacrifice my own happiness for if I knew that they would get what they want out of life, and I definitely think my friend Christine is on that short list because I honestly, with all of my heart, believe she is a wonderful person. Thanks :)

And then on another largely unrelated note. What on earth is wrong with me. I can't decide what the hell I want. Why do things have to be so complicated. Bleh.

Michael Buble - Home This song makes me think of Roma and how I miss it.