Tonight my mom and I were watching Conan O'Brien and he did some skit about the University of Illinois getting a new (more offensive) mascot than their previous one, the somewhat racist Native American Indian Chief Illiniwek. Anyways, Conan came up with something even more offensive and it was S&M Abe Lincoln. So theres this guy with S&M leather gear on, with a whip, a Abe Lincoln top hat and a Abe Lincoln beard/sideburns. He whips himself as he walks across the set in a playful manner as Conan looks appalled. I giggled my way through the joke, but I don't think my mom got it. So then when the joke ends, the camera zooms in on S&M Abe Lincoln's face and he has one of those red gag balls with the leather straps in his mouth like and my mom asks me, "Why does he have a ball in his mouth." I wasn't exactly sure how to explain this to her, so I didn't.

Then during the commercial, she asked me what I would do if I found out I was going to die soon. Like what would three things be that I would do if I knew it was all coming to an end. I stalled because I didn't know how to answer. Its like one of those questions that come out of a book. Live your life like its your last day or whatever. So I asked her how long do I have to live? 1 week? 1 month? 1 day? But really I was just avoiding answering since I didn't really have a good answer. But I considered it seriously and I don't know what I would have to do. My mom suggested that I would go back to Rome and I think if I had a month, I would love to go back for a few days. But I don't know if there is anything I would regret not doing. One of the things I would want to do is take some kids to Disneyland and play with them all day. Honestly, I absolutely love it when kids get to see and experience things for the first time, so it wouldn't even have to be Disneyland. Its like that magical age when they're 4 or 5 before they are jaded by other children from school and still young enough to believe that they are meeting a princess or Mickey Mouse. I would love to be a part of that, it makes me feel good.

Another thing I would want to do is tell everybody I know how I really feel about them. Not in a bad way, but I'd love to get everybody together and just talk to them about how much they've meant to me and how I wish them well. It'd be like having a pre-funeral party. At funeral's people talk about how much a person has meant to them but I think I'd want to tell everybody how I feel about them before I die. Why don't I do this all the time you say? I don't know, it seems like it'd be really weird. There's a line that people usually don't cross in terms of expressing feelings unless circumstances warrant, and those usually include being drunk, very late nights, serious serious conversations in Denny's parking lots and in this case, pending death.

I wonder how does one overcome the influence of the relationship parents have with each other and duplicating it in their own life? On Loveline, they always talk about how people seek out relationships similar to those had by their parents and relationships that the child has with the parent, can this be avoided somehow?

Also, I posted something that I had written a while back. I think it is one of those things that I would reveal if I were dying, because it contains serious feelings and stuff. Its a few posts back if you're interested.

Bloc Party - Banquet

Do you ever have this feeling where you want to record what you're feeling and seeing and hearing because you know you won't be able to accurately replay it in your mind? Like you'll lose the feeling because so much amazing stuff is happening? Well that happened tonight. I went to go see This American Life live at UCLA and it was stupendous. It was amazing. I laughed, I "awwwww"ed, I cheered, I found a new appreciation for The OC, yes, the television show. OK Go was there, they were pretty awesome too.

Ira Glass, the host, well, I'll just say when it started off, it wasn't what I expected. I've been listening to this radio program for some time now, on and off. I did listen to it quite a bit and then I'd not listen, but now with the podcast I listen every week. But its weird to see a radio personality in person. I don't know if I could equate this to any other situation. The only other person's voice who I've listened to this much is Vin Scully but I know what he looks like. I've never really had to imagine what he looks like talking. I'm very familiar with his face and his mannerisms. I can imagine Vin telling me a story when I hear his radio broadcasts. (Speaking of which, I've sorely missed Dodger baseball and the sound of Vin's voice, so I'm glad the season will start shortly.) But with Ira Glass, I've never really put a face to his voice. I'd seen his picture before, on the website, but its a black and white close up and fairly small, and I've never had a crush on him so I haven't made it a point to find more pictures of him, I simply loved his radio program a lot. To hear and see at the same time, this guy who I've "known" for so long, its surreal. Like I felt like I should close my eyes because I've never had his voice associated with a visual stimulant too. But the way he talks, its even cooler in person, if thats possible or makes any sort of sense. I appreciate his talking even more, now that I've seen him ... talking.

This American Life is an amazing show. If I had simply heard this episode on a podcast or on KCRW it wouldn't have been my favorite but even still, this one was awesome. John Hodgman was hilarious. Every show of TAL is excellent and I like to think most people can appreciate it, so go listen. Free podcasts, absolutely free.

I love that these people who I admire appear to be so human, despite a whole room, a whole auditorium of people who are geeked out fans. Oh, and Jack Black was in attendance as well. Maybe he didn't feel as giddy over the whole thing. But to illustrate how exciting it is, another short story. After the show, a random lady, Nicola McGee, handed my friend (not a bitch, might I add) and I a white envelope with instructions to goto a reception after-party where we received free beer (yes) and both Ira Glass and John Hodgman were there. I know, amazing. But while we mustered up the courage to talk to them, all I could do was think, "I want to tell Ira that I love The OC too, and his public love for it vindicated my love for that show!" But when I got there, all I could do was get an autograph. He seemed like the coolest guy ever, and I still couldn't talk to him. And my conversation consisted of "Yes, my name is spelled J-O-N-A-T-H-A-N... Well, some people do spell it with an 'O' but they're weird." Augh! And I didn't even get a picture. But with John Hodgman, I got a picture and he spelled my name right, and he was really nice too! There was some debate between the two of us as to whether or not he would want to be approached by crazed fans. (Part of his segment was about his new found fame from being on the Apple Computer ads and how he never got recognized before and now he wishes he were.) So this evening was simply fabulous.

Also, I've recently decided I will travel across country by some combination of bus and train later this year. Details to follow, as warranted.

Oscar Peterson - Tea For Two

I wasn't sure how to rank it, but I just had like one of the best nights ever in my life. But I'll have to talk about it some other night.

Just to clarify, since it might not have been clear, since I probably am so popular that I might have multiple best friends named Christine, the Christine I refer to in the last post is this one: http://www.shutupchristine.blogspot.com/ :D (I don't have other best friends named Christine. Sarcasm is the coolest.) If you want to read nice things about me, read her last two blogs. It doesn't happen often that I get nice things written about me for all to read (unless I'm writing them) so read up!

Since getting this new job of mine, people have been asking me why I don't do that one full time since the pay is better and I would work normal people hours instead of Disney hours. My answer to that is I very much like working for Disney and the people are generally very rad (as in radical). I think if I worked an office job only, I think that I would have fewer friends because the people that I talk to daily wouldn't have to talk to me any longer because I don't see them as often, or ever. Work friends are weird like that. You're friends because you work together, but when circumstances don't force you together, do you make an effort to see them? Or does the friendship just fade? Why do I have to think up shit like this?

But heres a list of some stuff (other than Christine's posts) that make me happy:

- Girl Scouts are delicious! Er... Girl Scouts bring deliciousness! Er.... I love thin mints.
- Dodger tickets went on sale and this season is looking very promising. I have bought a few games' worth, but I know you're just dying to come cheer for the Dodgers with me. So lets go!

Okay, well that was the list.

Mos Def - Katrina Clap

Thinking back on Flashback, I had a really great time. The two performance nights were amazing. Especially while we were getting ready for the show. I was bouncing off the walls, although that may have been the energy drinks I chugged. I like being a part of something like that. It makes me feel all warm inside. Not just because I was helping charity, but because I felt like part of a team. But I love writing about sad things, so heres what makes me sad about it. Flashback was so much fun and I got to know so many people, but when it ended, I didn't feel overly sad like I thought I might. I also lost my camera and that was a giant bummer, since I just got it something like three weeks ago. And people would tell me "I'd be bawling my eyes out" or "I'd be sooo sad if I lost my camera," and while I wasn't exactly happy about losing my camera, I didn't get overly distraught about it, for the most part. And I realized that I don't get very emotional about anything, not any more at least.

On the inside, I want to feel emotional about things. I try to psyche myself up and be excited about performing in Flashback. And I ran around singing songs and I was definitely hyped up but as far as being melancholy over the end of flashback and not seeing people anymore, I wasn't too broken up. I will certainly miss the nights and I wish I could see them more often because almost everybody on the team was nice to me and a joy to be around. But that got me thinking that I wasn't super sad about leaving Rome either. It was for sure bittersweet but I wasn't welling up with tears. I think I've become too emotionally detached from the world around me. Why that is, I don't know.

The last time I was really truly sad about leaving someplace or someone leaving me was in 10th grade of high school. My friend Tina was graduating and she wrote in my yearbook that I was like the little brother she never had. And I guess it was the wording and the fact that she told me something that touching and it was the first time I had known somebody who was going to leave me, changing the dynamic of my relationship with them that got me. I was extremely sad over her graduating and I can't say I've ever felt quite so sad about the end of something as I was then. Have I become a closed hearted person because I'm afraid of revealing my true feelings to people? Or have I just not found the right situation in which I would trust someone enough that we would care about each other that much? I really hope I haven't become so emotionally detached that I cannot have a relationship like that again, romantic or otherwise.

In any case, I still loved participating and being a part of Flashback. Thanks you for everybody who came and who participated in the fun! Get it blue!

On a different subject, I was sort of drunk after flashback and I was talking to somebody about how I feel about other people, and it may have been my asian glow talking for me, but I said there are a few people I would sacrifice my own happiness for if I knew that they would get what they want out of life, and I definitely think my friend Christine is on that short list because I honestly, with all of my heart, believe she is a wonderful person. Thanks :)

And then on another largely unrelated note. What on earth is wrong with me. I can't decide what the hell I want. Why do things have to be so complicated. Bleh.

Michael Buble - Home This song makes me think of Roma and how I miss it.