About a year ago I wrote something about an FAO Schwartz on Fifth Avenue in NYC that was changing and going out of business. I came to the conclusion that people, myself included, don't like it when things change because it only serves to remind them of their own temporary existence in the present. Anyways recently in the Los Angeles Times was an article that described the re-opening of the FAO Schwartz. I can't decide what this means exactly, perhaps while things will always be changing, somehow they'll still be the same? I don't know.

I haven't written in a while because I'm lazy. But sometime last week my mom asked me straight out if I thought she has been a good parent. I sort of mumbled some answer and played it off. Since then over the past week or so she's constantly been saying things like "I think that I've been too nice to you and I'm going to change my parenting ways" or saying "I'm sorry I didn't let you have a dog when you were younger" and regretful things of the kind. I think all of this started because she's been talking with one of her friends, whose son is what we could call a "problem child" and all of my mom's friends have gotten together to decide what they can do about it and what they could've done better. I've sort of ignored most of of what she's said or just played it off, mostly because I have no idea what to tell her.

I totally want to yell "Yes, thats right! You should've let me get a dog!" Or "Why were you so freakin' mean when I was a kid, I was doing fine in school and you didn't have to go and transfer me!" But I know that would be wrong. What are the criteria for being a good parent? Being an only child, it seems as though I am the only life acomplishment for my parents, and its a big burden, now that I've recognized what I (and other children) represent. I certainly can't say my parents have been by any stretch of the imagination, bad parents. I've always had food on my table to eat and I've never been without a place to sleep. I know my parents are good people, they've done what they believe is best for me and is that all I, or anyone can ask? I think yes, but then why do I hesitate to tell my mom that I think she's done her best and that should be good enough for anybody? Some deep-seated resentfulness for not letting me have a dog? Inability to communicate true emotions because of my traditional upbringing? Probably not that first one and maybe some of that second one.

The Dodgers are driving me INSANE! Skip this paragraph if you don't care about the Dodgers, you bastards. First they string me along, saying things like Beltre is our top priority and stuff. They sign Jeff Kent to presumably fill in at 2nd or possibly 1st base. Then there are unbelievably awesome rumors about the Dodgers getting Tim Hudson. After making the playoffs and winning a game for the first time in some 15 years, I'd think the team is pretty solid. And with this offseason, it could only get better right? I mean there are some solid free agents out there, Carlos Delgado, who is Shawn Green's best friend, Richie Sexson? Okay, well then in the same day, the impossible happens. Adrian Beltre, who I've suffered 4 up and down years of "potential" to see him explode in 2004, signs with the Seattle Mariners. WHAT THE HELL!? Fine, I can accept the fact that maybe Paul Depodesta doesn't think he's worthy of $13mil per year, but can we risk it? I want to and have tried to defend the Dodger management for their offseason moves (or lack thereof) but from what I'm hearing and reading, its getting depressing. I'll still be a Dodger fan, but unless they can show some sign of good faith that they aren't just skimping on money... I may have to fall in line to boycott Frank McCourt and his Boston-loving ass. How are you gonna raise ticket and parking prices, tell people Adrian Beltre is the top priority, then off and let him go, with a lowball offer. I think the worst part about it is there are rumors they plan to sign J.D. Drew, an oft-injured outfielder, for about the same money. WHAT ARE YOU THINKING!? All of this Dodgers stuff makes me depressed. They've ruined my Christmas. Speaking of which, Merry Christmas.

I can't wait to goto Italy. Tomorrow I'll find out if I have to quit my job because they won't give me a personal leave of absence. All this time I've been thinking how much I want to keep the job and after hearing that its unlikely that they granted me a leave of absence I was only slightly upset about it. I truly do wish I can continue working at Disneyland. Its been really fun. But I think I'm at a point where its okay for me to move on, if thats what I have to do.

Rachel Yamagata - Worn Me Down