My mom has recently suggested to me that I take one of those aptitude tests to determine what profession I would be good at.  You know, where they ask you questions about what you like and tests of what type of things you'd like.  Anyways, I actually took one once at school two years ago, but I never went in to get my "analysis" of the results.  I can't remember why I never went for my appointment.  It was during freshman year and I want to say it was during that week I sprained both of my ankles and I couldn't walk very far.  But it was probably because I was lazy or scared (sort of) to find out, or both.  Some people (myself included, I suppose) would say that they don't like the idea of being told what to do in some version of a caste system.  And I'm pretty sure I'm against people being told what they can or can't be.  People should do what makes them happy, as far as occupation goes.  If they want something, work hard for it and go get it.  I know a lot of people who have picked their majors and they know they're going to be a teacher, psychiatrist, doctor, international relations lawyer or whatever and they've all got their respective majors in college.  Even some high school kids know exactly where they're headed.  Everybody knows what it is they want to do with their major, they all have plans, ideas, and if they don't, I couldn't tell.
 
Thats my whole problem.  I mean I'm doing fine in college, sure.  But in being a history major I hardly have a chosen profession once I get out of college.  And not taking the aptitude test, choosing such a broad subject to get my degree in and basically doing what I'm doing this whole summer, not studying, just working and fooling around, I'm merely prolonging my own future.  I've recently met enough nice people who have, unfortunately, seemingly hit a wall as far as their future's are concerned to serve me warning and being younger than most of them I thnk that I can avoid making choices about my own future, but I don't think I can get by much longer.  With graduation possibly less than a year away, this is the second to last, or possibly last summer before I make a truly life altering decision.  Otherwise I might be stuck in the same place for a looong time.
 
Onto other subjects.  The last few days I've been faced with people complaining about how they are unsuccessful at romance and love.  Multiple persons have brought up the fact that they cannot seem to attract a worthy mate, or even a mate at all.  I think that because of the way we've been raised, we're all taught that things will all be fairy tale endings and rides into the sunset.  Yes, it is rather ironic that I say that while still working at Disneyland, but its true.  Movies are few and far between that do not have the protagonist achieve his romantic goals (at least to a certain extent).  One of the persons told me that they want the person to like them for the person that they are, even though their relatives and some friends tell them they need to lose some weight and update their image (in kinder words, I'm sure).  Well its nice to think that and wish for that and I'll admit I totally used to be in the same boat, but really, its time to face reality. 
 
Stop hoping and wishing, you're still young.  Improve yourself.  Its natural.  Birds have fancy feathers to attract mates, other animals battle it out at the ol' watering hole with their kickass horns.  I'm not saying you need to be conforming to all sorts of stereotypical mating rituals in our society like being a supermodel or being slutty, but you've got to at least have the equipment to play the game, so to say.  I can say this for myself, and I'm assuming its true for others as well, people want to find a mate who likes them for "who they are" because in reality, they aren't really happy with "who they are."  What I mean to say is that the pipedream of having somebody love exactly who you are is really a longing to be validated.  Nobody is perfect, but people should try to improve themselves and just let the chips fall where they may in the other areas of life, relationships included.  I guess this is really to motivate myself as much as it is others.  I used to (and often still do) wish for things to just happen to me and for all of these things to be good, without me lifting a finger, but unfortunately, shit doesn't happen that way.  You've got to continuously try to become a better person.  I realize that now.
 
Sister Hazel - Your Winter

I went to play at Disneyland and California Adventure yesterday. It seems like I'm at Disneyland everyday, even when I'm not working. My next day off is Monday and I'm going to be taking my family there on Monday. But I love it, I think.

While I was there on Friday, I spent a lot of time watching other people. I try to do this whenever I'm in the park because I love to see families. But in particular smaller children. I mean from afar, children and their parents are so perfect looking. The parents could be drunks for all I know and the child could grow up to be a crazy person, but for that day, or hour, or 15 minutes, in my mind they couldn't be any more than they are right there. Like when I was riding the tram to the parking structure, a mom and her daughter were sitting in the row ahead of mine. The daughter yawned and the mom teasingly said "Don't go falling asleep on me. You slept till 10 today so you better stay up all the way home!" And the little girl said, "I'm going to goto sleep!" And they kept going back and forth, but in a cutesy sort of way. Anyways, I kept seeing children and their families all day long and it made me think, I want children.

But then I really thought about it some more. I do want children, someday, but maybe not for the right reasons. I suppose in the evolutionary sense, I want children to pass on my heritage, but realistically, I want children for the same reason I want a girlfriend, or I want to go to New York City. For some reason I have a strange sense that everything will turn around if I just get one break. Like somehow, by raising a child, or moving to a new city, or finding some girl that may or may not be the girl of my dreams will completely turn around my life, as though I needed to be saved from the horrible life that I'm leading as it is. This simply isn't true. Those things would not save me from my life or give me a kick in the butt, instead I think I'd simply adapt to them and continue plodding my way through life. I totally want to say that if I had somebody to love, like a child or even a serious girlfriend, I'd be completely devoted to something and change my ways, but I'm scared to admit that I might not be willing to and my life would continue on its current path.

This is all very weird, probably, considering my lack of intimate relationships with females. I guess I've been discouraged of late, having probably lost out on chances I should've taken, not learning my lessons. I think that I am more willing to at least feel for loving children instead of another adult because of the situation I'm in with my parents and their relationship with each other and me. But isn't that how it is with everything?

This is perhaps my most incoherent post yet.

Dashboard Confessional - Vindicated Oh yeah, Spider-Man 2 was really good.