Today I ran in Nike's RunHitRemix. I watched De La Soul, Vanilla Ice, Digital Underground and other groups play as I ran 5 miles. It was fun and despite having to wake up at 6 AM I enjoyed it a lot. I also love getting free stuff at the end of the run. I ate so many free nutrition bars and I drank like 4 or 5 mini Jamba Juices. Then I ate some seafood. Actually, it was a lot of seafood. I think I need to go to more exercise events and I need to eat at new restaurants more often.

I realized something weird the other day. After leaving the place I've been working for 3 years I wasn't extremely sad, although I definately do miss people. But then on Sunday night, after my first shift out of the area, I was watching Extreme Makeover, Home Edition and in the episode Ty builds this house for some deserving family, like always, and I got really emotional watching that. What the heck is that? I leave my friends of the last 3 years and I hardly feel anything but watching 1 hour of Ty Pennington show a blind and deaf family their new home makes me sad and emotional? Jeez. Anyways, I don't know if its good that I am emotionally detached from my own life or if its good that I can empathize with a family on television getting something they really deserve.

John Mayer - Gravity

Recently I got worried that my friendships were fading away from me because I was spending less time with people. And now I'm moving to a new location I don't know how to feel. Leaving isn't easy. The only thing I can equate this to is leaving high school, except this time I'm the only person leaving and other people are staying. Graduating from college was different simply because I wasn't involved in the every day lives of a lot of people, not like my work is now, where I see people 3 or 4 times a week. When people quit I tell them things like "I hope you do good at..." and "Call me, we'll myspace" or whatever, but I only say that because I don't want to say "Have a good life" even though that is probably what it comes down to. Most people who quit, I won't talk to again. So why does it matter to me now that I'm the one leaving and people aren't more sad that I'm leaving when I wasn't all that sad when others left? It feels good to be missed and wanted I think. Leaving high school was different because everybody was leaving in one way or another for new beginnings, but for me, leaving Paradise Pier means I'm the only one and as much as I don't want to admit it, the people that I've known for the past three years will simply move on, just like I did after others I've known have quit or gone other places.

I think my feelings are somewhat exacerbated by the past two or three months during which I made some extremely stupid mistakes, friendship wise. And my leaving will only continue to push me further away from people with whom I've spent so much time with the last three years of my life. I hate that my leaving becomes a litmus test of my friendships with people. But maybe it becomes a test for me too, to see who I truly value as a friend. Friendship is a two way street, or some stupid analogy like that. I think that I'm willing to make an effort so hopefully others are too. But regardless, I'm glad that I spent the past three years with everyone and I've had a ton of fun and I wish everyone the best.

"Before you can say you can't at all
There's no excuse this time don't be afraid to fly
You never know what day the doors will close
It's time to say goodbye time to pack up and ride
Got to leave this place it's been cool but I gotta go"

Outkast f/ Sleepy Brown & Scar - The Train

Birthday post! I'm 23 now. That just sounds old. But then I totally don't feel old at all. Like at heart I still feel like a young person, but I know 23 is that point where I should be more of an adult than not. My birthday went well. The night before I saw Adrian Brody. Man his nose is big in real life too. Maybe even bigger than I could imagine. Then the next day, my birthday, I went to eat the best pastrami ever, at Langers deli, with my family. If you love pastrami, you should come with me sometime! My treat :) I would go there more often on my own, but its in LA so its not worth it unless someone comes with me. And I say this as a real invite because I've realized its important to spend time with people who want to spend time with me. I only got a few gifts for my birthday, which is fine with me and I'm thankful for the ones I got. But I really liked getting texts throughout the day, starting with the ones I got in the middle of the night. Then checking myspace during the day and getting phone messages from people I haven't talked to in a while. I know it doesn't take but 30 seconds to send something like that but I really did enjoy it. It makes me feel loved. So in return, you guys should come with me to eat pastrami sometime. I want other people to know I'm happy to be your friend. So thanks, even if you don't take me up on my pastrami offer. Seriously though, best pastrami, ever.

I think one of my favorite things to do is sing songs in the car. Honestly, I really think I need to do this more often. I like doing it when I drive by myself, but I love it even more when its with somebody else. For me, because I am a little bit shy about belting it out and doing things that might be embarassing, I think its important for me to do this as much as possible, to simply get over my inhibitions. I know not everyone knows the lyrics to every song, but who cares!? Its about having fun. So another invite or maybe just a suggestion. Lets go somewhere! Anywhere! I'll drive, or you can drive if you want to! As long as we get to sing! But you gotta sing too! I promise, if I laugh at you, its because I'm having fun, not because you suck at singing. Rock songs are fun, N*Sync is always exciting and Disney music is the best. But I get to be Gaston if we sing Beauty and the Beast.

One more thing, SNAKES ON A PLANE! Go see it! It's a completely awful movie and I loved every second of it! Everything I hoped for and more!

Red Hot Chili Peppers - Can't Stop Now if I could sing this song, then I'd really be awesome.

There will be no deep emotional feelings in this blog post. I would just like to say that there is a hissing sound in my ears right now, even though my house is completely silent because MxPx freaking rocked my ear drums apart. Reel Big Fish were pretty fun to watch too. I love concerts. I love mosh pits. I don't know what it is about watching rock bands in the pit. Almost everybody tries to get as close as they can to the band on stage and even if you don't know the lyrics, everybody rocks out, jumps up and down and doesn't mind a little body contact. I love the feeling of being a part of the crowd, not being able to control which way you're going to sway because everybody is packed so close together. I don't even mind sharing other peoples' sweat. It would normally be very gross, but it doesn't bother me when everybody is just bumping back and forth. Maybe its because nobody cares and everyone is just out to have a good time. Now if only my hearing would return.

The last few days have been quite fun for me. I love singing NSync, Blink's Dammit and my favorite, Aladdin! I haven't sung Aladdin in a duet, with a female since 6th grade and that was only in a choir. I also love playing with nerf footballs in parking lots. Late night, unplanned fun is always more fun than planned fun I think. I think thats because that sort of spontaneous fun is more fulfilling because there are no expectations. And the fun you're having is only replacing time alone at home (more often than not). Anyways, I've been quite happy the past few days. I really do have to learn to not let things bother me.

MxPx - Punk Rawk Show!!!!!

Haha wow, that last post was really not good. I tried to make like this back and forth comparison between the way my life was going and how the Dodger game for that night was going. Like I would be doing pretty good, and the Dodgers would take the lead. Then in my life I'd screw up, just like the Dodgers would blow the lead. Anyways, it was a really poorly described analogy. Probably would've looked good as a movie montage sequence though.

So I went to the Dodgers game the other night and they lost, again, of course. This blows. The Dodgers suck balls. But the company was good at least.

So my mom left the country for a while a few months back. She went to teach English to little children in Taiwan and thats good for her because she just retired and thats what she wanted to do with her time. And since she's been back I haven't really spent time with her. You know how it is when you live with somebody but you don't spend time with them? Its like we occupy the same space, but we only meet in the kitchen and living room. I guess thats how its always been for my family. My mom then wrote me an email but it must've been a day or two ago to an email address that I don't check daily.

Anyways, she writes me to apologize for the way she raised me. Like she says she thinks her and my father did the right things in taking me to school and providing me with food and stuff but they didn't talk to me enough to aid in my "emotional development" or whatever. I always knew this was true, but I just figured it was an Asian thing, like Asian families just don't communicate. But she then tells me that our whole family has communication problems, between her and my father, between me and both my parents. So I knew this too, but I only recently understood how it has affected me. For the longest time, I did not realize that the lack of communication between my parents and myself was something that would affect me in life until the last few years. Like I just always assumed not communicating with my parents was just something everybody went through, but now I realize that because of a lack of true open communication (or any sort of communication) with my parents has made me sort of detached from other people. I don't know how to express my feelings to others and truly trust other people. Maybe thats why I've done so poorly in terms of establishing and maintaining friendships. And maybe thats why I've written so many godforsaken letters lately, and in my life. Its a way for me to communicate, but without actually having to do it. And maybe thats why I keep this blog too. To share my feelings without having to deal with other peoples' reactions. I don't know what to think anymore. But somebody once told me to stop blaming my parents and I need to take charge and I certainly am trying to do that. So if I get weird in the near future, or whenever, just bear with me, I'm just trying to share more of myself. I think I need to start to spend more time with my mom too.

Incubus - I Wish You Were Here