About a year ago I wrote something about an FAO Schwartz on Fifth Avenue in NYC that was changing and going out of business. I came to the conclusion that people, myself included, don't like it when things change because it only serves to remind them of their own temporary existence in the present. Anyways recently in the Los Angeles Times was an article that described the re-opening of the FAO Schwartz. I can't decide what this means exactly, perhaps while things will always be changing, somehow they'll still be the same? I don't know.

I haven't written in a while because I'm lazy. But sometime last week my mom asked me straight out if I thought she has been a good parent. I sort of mumbled some answer and played it off. Since then over the past week or so she's constantly been saying things like "I think that I've been too nice to you and I'm going to change my parenting ways" or saying "I'm sorry I didn't let you have a dog when you were younger" and regretful things of the kind. I think all of this started because she's been talking with one of her friends, whose son is what we could call a "problem child" and all of my mom's friends have gotten together to decide what they can do about it and what they could've done better. I've sort of ignored most of of what she's said or just played it off, mostly because I have no idea what to tell her.

I totally want to yell "Yes, thats right! You should've let me get a dog!" Or "Why were you so freakin' mean when I was a kid, I was doing fine in school and you didn't have to go and transfer me!" But I know that would be wrong. What are the criteria for being a good parent? Being an only child, it seems as though I am the only life acomplishment for my parents, and its a big burden, now that I've recognized what I (and other children) represent. I certainly can't say my parents have been by any stretch of the imagination, bad parents. I've always had food on my table to eat and I've never been without a place to sleep. I know my parents are good people, they've done what they believe is best for me and is that all I, or anyone can ask? I think yes, but then why do I hesitate to tell my mom that I think she's done her best and that should be good enough for anybody? Some deep-seated resentfulness for not letting me have a dog? Inability to communicate true emotions because of my traditional upbringing? Probably not that first one and maybe some of that second one.

The Dodgers are driving me INSANE! Skip this paragraph if you don't care about the Dodgers, you bastards. First they string me along, saying things like Beltre is our top priority and stuff. They sign Jeff Kent to presumably fill in at 2nd or possibly 1st base. Then there are unbelievably awesome rumors about the Dodgers getting Tim Hudson. After making the playoffs and winning a game for the first time in some 15 years, I'd think the team is pretty solid. And with this offseason, it could only get better right? I mean there are some solid free agents out there, Carlos Delgado, who is Shawn Green's best friend, Richie Sexson? Okay, well then in the same day, the impossible happens. Adrian Beltre, who I've suffered 4 up and down years of "potential" to see him explode in 2004, signs with the Seattle Mariners. WHAT THE HELL!? Fine, I can accept the fact that maybe Paul Depodesta doesn't think he's worthy of $13mil per year, but can we risk it? I want to and have tried to defend the Dodger management for their offseason moves (or lack thereof) but from what I'm hearing and reading, its getting depressing. I'll still be a Dodger fan, but unless they can show some sign of good faith that they aren't just skimping on money... I may have to fall in line to boycott Frank McCourt and his Boston-loving ass. How are you gonna raise ticket and parking prices, tell people Adrian Beltre is the top priority, then off and let him go, with a lowball offer. I think the worst part about it is there are rumors they plan to sign J.D. Drew, an oft-injured outfielder, for about the same money. WHAT ARE YOU THINKING!? All of this Dodgers stuff makes me depressed. They've ruined my Christmas. Speaking of which, Merry Christmas.

I can't wait to goto Italy. Tomorrow I'll find out if I have to quit my job because they won't give me a personal leave of absence. All this time I've been thinking how much I want to keep the job and after hearing that its unlikely that they granted me a leave of absence I was only slightly upset about it. I truly do wish I can continue working at Disneyland. Its been really fun. But I think I'm at a point where its okay for me to move on, if thats what I have to do.

Rachel Yamagata - Worn Me Down

Jeez, I can't believe W Bush won again. I mean sure, mathematically Kerry can still win the elction, but its like saying mathematically the Clippers can still win the NBA Finals any season, it just doesn't happen. I can't figure out what those midwest states are thinking. Maybe it just shows how biased I am living on the left coast.

My parents are going to mainland China on vacation tomorrow for 3 weeks. I'm not very sad about them leaving. I guess its a sign that I've become less attached to them, which is good. But its sad that I'm not even nostalgic about not being sad. Oh well.

Onto more awesome things! Jose Lima is pimpmaster general! He pitches a complete game shutout against the vaunted Cardinals who had scored 8 runs in the previous two games against the Dodgers? At one point he retired two full innings in a row, thats 6 outs, on 11 pitches! Can everyone say Lima Time? LIMA TIME! After watching him dominate (I had to skip work to do it, even though I had semi-legitimate reasons for calling out in the first place) I'm tempted to call out tomorrow. But I realized that after a long season and watching the Dodgers struggle through two playoff games like a cricket trying to jump with only one leg, seeing Lima Time once more, seeing Shawn Green slam 2 homers off Matt Morris (a guy who shut out the Dodgers earlier this year) and seeing Beltre do his patented charge along the baseline and throw off-balance to get the runner at first for a final time this year, I'm happy. Even if they lose tomorrow its been a solid year. I decided to just listen to what I can of the game on my way to work and hope Odalis can bring some of that double Barry strikeout game mojo to dominate against Albert, Jim and Scotty Rolen. But just in case, I bought tickets to the NLCS, the next round of the playoffs. Just in case, you know.


I was thinking about Italy. In the information packets they tell me to make sure to not look like a tourist. You know, don't wear baseball caps with American teams, don't wear too much clothing with english on it. But with all this election hoopla and voting registration I was thinking, wouldn't it be cool if I got of the plane with like a giant American flag shirt? Just a thought.

Franz Ferdinand - auf acshe

The best Dodgers game EVER happened today! With the Dodgers needing one win this weekend against the hated San Francisco Giants to clinch the National League West title, we trotted Elmer Dessens out to the mound. Who is that you ask? Exactly. This literal no-name was sent out to pitch a game that could decide the entire season for the Dodgers. Otherwise we'd have to rely on Odalis Perez in Sunday's season finale, who'd pitched just three days earlier. Well Elmer did well but by the 9th inning, the Dodgers had managed a measley ZERO runs and like 4 hits and trailed 3-0 going into the ninth inning. Then the improbable happened. Shawn Green hit a pop-fly that the best hitter in the planet Barry Bonds tried to slide and catch, but couldn't. (Gee, you'd think the MVP would be able to play defense, like Adrian Awesome Beltre) So Green has a single. Then Robin Ventura walked. Alex Cora struck out, unfortunately. But Jose Hernandez walks to load the bases. Then Hee-Seop Choi comes to bat. Not to be racist or anything, but I've seen Korean baseball players in clutch situations, and man do they suck at it. (re: Byung-Hyung Kim vs. Yankees, 2001 World Series) But he walks! Then what looks like a double play ball from Cesar Izturis is kicked by Cody Ransom, the "defensive replacement" shortstop! Jayson Werth comes up and singles, so its now 3-2 Giants. Steve Finley to the plate. 0-1 pitch and he takes it for a big tall ride to right center field. a Grand Slam!

Holy crap, I was listening to this game on my way to work and when I got to the parking lot I was yelling and screaming in my car. I jumped out of my car and was jumping up and down alone in the parking lot. Luckily a fellow Dodger fan from Attractions drove up was there to share in the SUPER AWESOMENESS that is the Dodgers beating the sorry Giants. Shes even crazier than me! Words cannot describe how great it was to hear the Grand Slam called! I cannot wait for the playoffs! Now I know that I was right not to goto Italy for Fall Quarter. I would've missed the best sports ever.

Anyways, just a quick update on other stuff since people complain about my Dodgers posts. My hearing has returned. I can hear crickets again. But I'm pretty sure I lost some hearing. You'd think I'd have learned a lesson, but on Thursday Jimmy Eat World came to UCR and played for only $10. How could I NOT go? Exactly, so I went to and got as close as I could. But luckily Jimmy wasn't as loud as Green Day and I had no ringing in my ears when I left the concert. I guess I didn't really learn anything from my Green Day experience. But somehow I think I was trying to disprove my "If its too loud, you're too old" statement about myself. I'm not old yet! Not THAT old, right?

Keane - Your Eyes Open

School starts again in two days. Everybody seems to have some sort of goals for the school year from getting good grades to making new friends or whatever new design they have for improving their lives. Good for them I say. I totally believe that everybody can improve and setting goals is the right way to go. Me? Well I've got my heart set on going to Italy. I guess it isn't wise to get ahead of myself in preparation for a trip that is still 4 months away, but what can I say? I'm excited about leaving life as I know it, at least for a little while.

But strangely enough all I can think about is all that I'll miss while I'm gone from the states. Like I wonder if they show the Super Bowl in Europe because I'll be gone for that. Stuff like that irks me.

That and my increasing awareness of my own personality flaws. Its becoming more common for me to realize that my patience lessens for people the more I know them. Like at work I have all the patience in the world for people and yes, that is what I'm paid to do, but I think its because when you first meet people they are like a blank slate. I don't blame them for their flaws because I either don't notice them or they don't bother me. But with people that I know, the little things bother the hell out of me. But I've realized the stuff that bugs me the most are things that I myself have as a problem or have cured myself of. I guess that comes with being largely self-centered. Like today my mom was setting up a GMail account that I gave her and she kept asking me these silly questions about filling out the questions they ask and how to use the archives. I got pretty unpatient with her and kindly, but firmly suggested that she read the help sections. I then took a shower and after I went back to check on her she was well on her way to email heaven, sending off emails left and right to her friends.

What I'm trying to illustrate here is that I was able to figure out how to use email on my own and other people should be able to as well. Its not even complicated. I used to ask my mom all the time things like "Where is the remote?" or "Where did you put the LA Times?" And she'd respond with something like "Open your eyes wider and look!" So I did the same thing right? Maybe this isn't the best example, but the point is if I can do something, most anybody else should be able to also. And it annoys me to no end when people give up quickly when they're unable to do something that is a rather simple task.

I probably came off as pretty mean there, complaining about the person who raised me for 21 years, but this doesn't just apply to her. This applies to all those people who complain that they cannot get good grades when they spend their time playing video games or whatever. It applies to some morons at work who cannot wait bloody 30 seconds for me to finish with the guest who I was already in the middle of helping. This goes for posers. Those who refuse to like something just because others like it and discovered it first. And there are those who just copy everybody else because they lack the ability to form their own opinions about music, sports or anything else for that matter. But more than that I hate being a hypocrite.

Everclear - Santa Monica