For some reason I've avoided posting here for a while. I'm not sure why. Have I found something better to do? Not really. Has anything changed in my life? Sort of, but things turned out being the same anyways. But I figure since my last post dealt with the Dodgers, so too will this post.

I went to my fifth Dodger game of the season today. A day game versus the Angels. They lost, 7-5. In a season that began so promising at 22-10, the Dodgers have dropped their last 6 games, getting swept by the Giants at PacBell and losing the first two at home against the Angels and their bandwagoning Orange County fans. Where were the Angels fans three years ago before they lucked into a World Series? Hmmm, I don't know, maybe because there weren't any! The media (and particularly the Angels management and fans) make a big deal about the Angels drawing 3 million fans last year to the park. Yeah, not impressive. The Dodgers have drawn 3 million fans for I don't know how many years in a row now. So enjoy your gloating now because when the Angels fall out of playoff contention (probably not this year, or the next) and return to their toils in mediocrity of the past 3 decades, we'll see where you most of you Angels "fans" are. Plus, Gagne rules.

Lately I've been thinking about this whole sports thing. I don't know if I've said this before, but somehow professional sports, for me, has become a sort of experiment in faith. I'm sure many writers before me have been quite verbose on the subject and I'm sure my own experiences aren't unique, but I believe I've discovered something on my own. Sports, and being a fan of particular teams, gives me something else to put my hope and faith into, sort of. Like when I attend a game, I believe that I make a difference. I know, somewhere deep inside that I probably don't, but then again, deep inside, I want to believe that I do. Like I'll say, if I don't watch two games in a row because I'm at work or I just miss them and the Dodgers lose, somehow its my fault. Sure, if I'd watched those two games the outcome likely wouldn't have changed, but we'll never know, will we.

I realized these rather apparent revelations while reading one of my favorite childhood books, In the Year of the Boar and Jackie Robinson. Its good, go read it. It won't take you more than a day or two, even if you read slow. In the book, our hero Shirley also happens to be a Dodger fan:

"Every time Number 42 came to bat, she imagined herself in Jackie Robinson's shoes. Every time the pigeon-toed runner got on base, she was ready to help him steal home. And when Jackie's sixteen-game hitting streak ended, Shirley blamed herself. On that day, she had had to accompany her parents to greet Mr. Lee from Chungking. Obviously, it was her absence from the radio that made all the difference."

Obviously. So you see, by having baseball, I can somehow transfer my own hopes onto the shoulders of others and be superstitious while claiming not to be in other facets of life. Yes, quite hippocritical on my part but eh, whattya gonna do? Maybe thats why New York is a better city than Boston, the Yankees always win, making their people happier, while the Red Sox... well, yeah. As much as sports fans want to deny it, I think this faith in a team as a representative of one's own hopes is a big part of sports and I, for one, am glad to participate in the myth. Go Dodgers!

Major League baseball is back! I went to my first Dodgers game of the season, the second game of the year for the Dodgers and it was without a doubt the best baseball game I've ever seen, in person. My roommate and I decided to goto the game almost on a whim. We watched the season opener on TV, in which Nomo lost the game, giving up a grand slam to stupid Phil Nevin. After watching that game, he said "we should goto tomorrow's game" and so we went. I like being sort of spontaneous. We bought some tickets from the first scalper who approached us, and while we probably overpaid (face value $25), they were good field level seats, first base side.

The starter for the game was Odalis Perez and he spotted the Padres 4 runs early and was out by the 5th inning. Things weren't looking too good as the Dodgers seemed to be continuing their double-play offense and couldn't drive anybody in. But things changed when Jake Peavy balked in Dave Roberts and later Adrian Beltre hit a line drive that barely, barely cleared the left field wall to tie up the game. Eric Gagne came in to pitch the top of the ninth. This was the first time I'd ever seen Gagne pitch in person and it was pretty darn exciting. He gave up some well hit balls and hit a batter but it was no problem. Then in the bottom of the ninth inning, former Yankee, Robin Ventura comes up to bat and singles down the first baseline to drive in the winning run. Exciting stuff! The Dodgers look good this year, with Milton Bradley, they seem to be in the thick of things in the "wild wild" NL West. Playoffs? I sure hope so. Baseball games are fun! I'm going to goto many more this season and at $6 tickets for the outfield bleachers and upper deck, I can't complain! Come out to a ballgame with me!

As far as school goes, its actually pretty interesting this quarter. Fiction & Film, a lower-division class about transferring books to the film format and how stories are put together, is very enlightening. While discussing Fight Club, my teacher asked the class if the themes in Fight Club apply to everyday life. When the protagonist goes to the support groups, he is simply in search of meaning in his life, because he has become to dull to the world around him. He is surrounded by the commercialized world and he tries to fill his life with IKEA stuff because thats what he's been brought up to believe will help complete his life, but this only leads to furthering his problem. "The things you own end up owning you," as Tyler Durden says.

Anyways, I'm still having problems grappling with the larger issue of finding meaning in life and why I am the way I am, but I think I've realized yet another little part of myself. Being a decidedly unreligious person, I find it difficult to find meaning in life oftentimes and there is a constant battle for me to find motivation, etc. Life is no longer about "living" in the most basic sense because all of our survival instincts are satisfied, so there is no true desire to "survive" and thus I and most everybody I know spend their time trying to find meaning in their lives. Most people find religion/faith in some form or another and I'm glad that most of them have been able to be fulfilled by that, but I still struggle with faith, finding meaning in life, etc. Thats the reason I enjoy anything that makes me feel sentimental or emotional because it makes me feel more human, if that makes any sort of sense.

Shakira - Octavo Dia (Unplugged)

Last post I talked about how going to work allowed me a chance to see the guests being happy and vicariously living through it, etc. But today at work reality hit me with a sledgehammer. I try to talk to the guests when ever I get a chance and this kid, maybe 12 years old, walks up to my game by himself and he's just checking out my game. I don't really make a big deal about it because a lot of kids just like to look at the different games. So I ask him, "How's it going?" And he says "Okay." And I go through the motions of asking him about the game, if he wants to play, does he have money, etc. He's still wavering so I figure he doesn't really want to play and I just let it go. He continues to stand around so I ask him "Where's your family?" And he says something like, "Nowhere." And I think to myself, "Silly children, can't answer questions," So I ask him "How'd you get to Disneyland then?" And then he said "Foster parents." I was just stunned.

Obviously I knew of the existence of orphan children but for some reason I just got really bummed out hearing it from him. The kid seemed like a nice enough boy. I wanted to say something like "I'm sorry" or anything, but I couldn't think of anything appropriate to say. Anyways, he played the game and won, and I'm glad he was able to get a prize, however small that may be.

I saw Jersey Girl and it was really good. Not like the other Kevin Smith movies. There was no mention of pot, no Bluntman and Chronic, no Star Wars references... well okay, there was ONE, but it was a good one and you probably wouldn't even notice it. Its just a good story about growing up and certainly different from the other "Jersey Trilogy" movies. And as sad as it is to say, it made me want to have kids.

Spring break was mostly a bust for me, as I did a lot of nothing. I had been anticipating seeing somebody, but things never work out the way they do in my head. I always have these really awesome plans in the middle of the night, just before I goto sleep. I come up with these elaborate ideas of how I'm going to go about doing something and it seems so perfect when I'm tired. I guess its true that "Nothing is as perfect as you can imagine it." Anyways, I got to see the person, but it left me more bummed out than elated, unfortunately. Then there was the whole foster parents thing. I'm such a lucky person, I hardly deserve any of this.

Ataris - Looking Back on Today (Acoustic)

A few days ago I had this dream in which I won a radio contest. It was like one of those dealios where you call in and you're caller number whatever. Anyways, it turns out I was invited to the studio to meet Hoobastank. In real life, I don't particularly like this band or anything, but they've got some catchy tunes. Back in the dream, it was a few days later and I was in the studio of the radio station with some other winners of the same contest. We had finished talking to the band and they'd left and I was talking to some of the people who were there and there was this really hot girl that I was talking to. She and I kept saying "I want to goto so and so concert!" And the other person would be like "Me too!" And then I'd say something like "Well, I don't like this song very much." And she'd say "I hate that song!" And it was like we were exactly the same, except she was really hot. That was a pretty cool dream but then I had to goto class, in real life, and that wasn't as cool.

Today I missed my class because I overslept. I heard my alarm and basically ignored it. This quarter, despite taking only three classes, I'm doing worse than ever. I found out that I had finished nearly all of my requirements for graduation except for two history classes and my foreign language requirement but I'm still short the required number of units to graduate and basically I'd be just filling it in with any classes I want to take, just to fulfill the unit requirements.

A few weeks back I watched L'Auberge Espnaol. Its a movie about a French student who goes to Spain to study abroad for a year. Anyways, long story short, it made me really want to study abroad. I mean I've been thinking about it since Freshman year, and probably before, but I got motivated because of it and I seriously looked into it. Unfortunately, my dreams may have been shattered by what my counselor told me about graduating and fulfilling my language requirement. I slacked off on taking a foreign language and with the technicalities of it all, I screwed myself over and now the likelihood of me going abroad fade quickly. But I so want to break out of the norm and just experience new things.

As far as breaking out of the norm, I think thats why I still work at Disneyland. I have to drive home every weekend but I love it because it gives me a chance to see people be happy, especially the guests. Its a cheap thrill, to be sure, but I like what it represents. I think its a combination of my own ability to sort of block everything else out while I'm working and also vicariously share in other peoples' fun.

I suppose I ought to end on something positive. I haven't lost any weight since the New Year in spite of my resolution to work out more. I've continued my jogging and some weight lifting (although not exactly an expert at that) and I've exercised at least 4 days a week, every week. If anything, I've gained weight. You'd think that'd bother me? But no! I feel a lot healthier! I'm sure the calculable results will appear soon, both on the scale and in the weight room.

Joss Stone - Fell In Love With a Boy

On Tuesday I was watching the Food Network and I saw this lady making these really awesome looking meatballs. She made these gigantic meatballs the size of a baseball, and it had onions and parsley and all this awesome stuff in it and it made me really want to eat Spaghetti. Just a simple spaghetti with marinara sauce and maybe 3 or 4 giant meatballs. Man, that makes me hungry just thinking about it.

Almost everyday when I goto class I take my ipod to class and I love it. But I attribute my lack of meaningful updates on this blog to that. Listening to my music zones me out from the rest of the world. For example, today, on the bus the driver and some other student were talking about something that I wasn't paying attention to. Then all of a sudden two other passengers laughed together with the driver and the first person. I missed out on whatever it is was said. I know that it probably was inconsequential and just a stupid joke but maybe it was a really funny joke! Listening to music (or whatever) when in public like that isolates people. I know that seemed like a rather obvious statement, but I had to slowly realize this myself. I'm still trying to decide whether I like having a soundtrack to my strolling or if I prefer to pay attention to my surroundings.

Earlier this week, I went jogging in the rain. It was cold as hell. Well, actually when I was beginning to jog it wasn't too bad. but when I turned around, I realized that it wasn't so bad to start with because I was running with the wind/rain. Running into the rain, not cool. Definately not as cool as it looks in the movies.

Incubus - Talk Show on Mute I bought the new Incubus CD, a crow left of the murder. Its sort of disappointing, especially considering the sweetness of Morning View. But its got a few redeeming tracks.