I don't know where I read it, but somewhere I saw a quote about "If you stop growing, you start dying." But the gist of it is there. Anyways, I think with this whole fraternity thing, I tried to find somewhere I belong, or perhaps to become more popular, I'm still not sure after quitting for nearly 2 weeks now. However, those who did pledge I've seen noticeable changes in. They said something about not wanting to leave college the same person and I thought this was a good point, and certainly tied into that first quote. However, not all change is good. Change for the sake of change is redundant at best, and at worst, the unnecessary changes may result in undesired results.

Smashing Pumpkins - 1979

So I got tickets to KROQ's Almost Acoustic Christmas for Sunday, a mistake, and now I'm not sure if I should go see bands I don't really want to see, or just sell my tickets on eBay. I could always use the extra $50-75 that I'd get, but if I could get Saturday tickets, oooh, Linkin Park and Offspring. Sunday's only got 311 that I'd really want to see. Blech. Save me Jeebus. Oh and now I must find someone to go with me, although I bet that won't be too much of a problem.

So anyways, a couple weeks ago I was wearing my cool Longfellow Lions t-shirt that was my dad's from when I was in elementary school. I was walking on campus when I saw this girl who I went to elementary school with. It was pretty exciting but I only got to say a few words because she was late for class. I haven't seen her since. Honestly though, I can't remember much about her, but I do remember the way she ran because when I was a kid I thought it was the weirdest thing. It was like she ran on her toes and it looked like she was hopping. Anyways, I think I'd like to talk to her, just to see whats going on and perhaps not act so weird and say something like "Nice to meet you again," when I meant to say "Nice to see you again." I'm still kicking myself over that one. Jeez.

So to sum up, I meet long-lost girl I kind of remember and embarass myself, somebody trade me tickets for Saturday's Acoustic Christmas for my Sunday ones and a date.

The Used - Buried Myself Alive

I'm such a quitter.

I quit that whole frat dealio. The frat thing isn't for everyone, and certainly not for the poor. But more than that, I just didn't see myself being very involved in the whole thing. The people were "eh" not that they're bad people but just not people I would associate with freely. And then there were some who were hardly seen (by me) and I'm sure they still ponied up the quarterly fees. Well I figured I can't afford to pony up such a fee and not even goto the events, especially considering I don't have money for it. If I asked my parent's for the money they'd ask me what for and then I'd have to lie about it and that sort of defeats the whole purpose since the fraternity is supposed to have some sort of gentlemanly code of conduct and lying to my mother in order to pay the money to be with and participate in a group seemed sort of contradictory to me.

The last two weeks I've been really tired. I'm not sure why yet.

311 - You Wouldn't Believe

The second viewing of the Matrix was significantly better. I could appreciate the story more as the IMAX was just too large a projection. Although I think that going in with lower expectations helped too. I still can't help but laugh at the quote from a reviewer on Rotten Tomatoes:

"So disappointing they may as well have bussed in Ewoks to save Zion."

Hahahaha. And its so true too.

Joining this whole fraternity dealio isn't panning out for me. Without going into too much detail, basically there are a few things. Upon joining I was informed that it would cost $175/quarter or somewhere in that range. That was acceptable. Then it jumped to $225, then tonight I heard the number $275/quarter. Certainly I have to get that straightened out. But that aside, the things that we've done while are somewhat fun, they haven't been "WOW! HOLY CRAP! THIS IS THE BEST TIME OF MY LIFE!"

While talking to one of the active brothers in the fraternity he told me that during the entire "pledgeship" time the things we do may seem stupid at the time but when you look back at them they are the funnest time of your life. I get this a lot from all of the people I've talked to that pledging is the best time I'll have in college. However, I tend to disagree with this assesment that looking back the things that may have seemed to be stupid now will be really fun in the future. This is true with almost anything that was even remotely plesurable. I think I've posted something similar before to this affect that in hindsight, everything seems "fun." What I spent all Thursday night/Friday morning doing involving Oompa Loompa's and checking for places I could be raped on campus was just not all that awesome. And staying up till 6AM is not my idea of "fun."

And while I may look back on it in the future and think, "Gee, that was so silly and fun." I doubt I'll think it was significantly more fun than a night with my roommates playing video games or watching what seemed to be a very exciting (according to the recaps I read online) Lakers game that went into double overtime with Shaq and Kobe having to combine for 70+ points to defeat a Duncanless Spurs, that I did not get to watch. And certainly not $25 dollars worth that I'll have to pay on Friday to perform the Willy Wonka maddness. Nor will it be worth the $55 dollars I owe the next coming Monday. And not to mention the other fees.

But thats not the least of it. Perhaps my time management isn't as awesome as I thought. In all seriousness, my time management is certainly lacking, but when I have plan for events that occur beyond 12AM unexpectedly, that does not tickle my fancy. Hell, it doesn't even interest me in the least. Looking for brownie mix to bake at 2AM in the morning is not my idea of "fun." Admittedly, it was "fun" and a more or less good memory, but the havoc it has wrecked on my sleep schedule and my lack of attendence in class because of it hardly seems worth the trouble. And from what I understand, the things we will have to do only get worse following this. But to be fair to myself, the blame for some of our time issues certainly does not lie with me alone, much of it has to do with those in charge.

I don't want to be labelled a quitter for starting something that I agreed to do. Or I "pledged" to do. And with most of my pledge brothers staying on I don't want to regret it once they go through with it and seem to be better off than I would be afterwards. I'll stick with it a few more weeks to see how it goes, but as of now, it certainly isn't looking good. But I hope that things will turn around. I was told at the start that if I chose to de-pledge that it would be all kosher and "no hard feelings" but I can't help but feel that I'd be insulting them by de-pledging after getting to know more than a few of those in the fraternity.

Sugarcult - Pretty Girl (The Way)

Just saw Matrix Revolutions at 6AM on IMAX. It was disappointing. However, I can't imagine how the Wachowskis could've made it so everyone was happy. Honestly though, it could've been better than how it ended. Perhaps upon a second viewing I can make more sense of it. And this frat stuff is getting dumber.

Tricky - Slowly

I've made a decision and it might just be because I've had a good evening. I've decided I will no longer let things bother me. I mean certainly some things will but I'm still trying this thing out. I don't know how long I can keep it up, but certainly I'll try my best. After another boring drive from Anaheim to Riverside I realized like many before me have that worrying does nothing and that like Gandalf says in the movie, " All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us." And that is exactly, more or less, what I'm going to do.

Frank Sinatra - I've Got The World On a String