I think I've come to realize that I always write when I'm unhappy. Not that I'm particularly unhappy now, but I always return to writing this because its like a calling out. Like when people commit suicide. Not that I'm considering that, but isn't that how they teach it? That people who cut themselves, some of them are into the pain, granted, but others are doing it for the attention right? Like they cut themselves so others will notice that they are depressed or in pain or whatever? Is my writing just a way for people to read my thoughts and hopefully relate and feel sorry for me? I don't get it.

I feel like I'm falling into the same cycles. Obviously I am, life is cyclical. Some basketball analyst was talking about the Lakers playing the Rockets and how lunacy is trying the same things over and over and expecting different results, because the Lakers would play lackadaisical defense and not double on Yao Ming, etc. and they were hoping to beat the Rockets after Portland had employed similar strategies. I feel like I'm in the same place. Is it something I've developed now? I know that I'm no good at forming or maintaining relationships of any sort other than short superficial ones. So has it come to a tipping point now where I'm going to lose more people I've bonded with? Or is that just the normal ebb and flow of friendships as life progresses? I would hope its the second one, but with my friendship track record, who am I to say?