I bought a new car today, one that turned out pricier than I was looking for. I guess it has been a learning experience. I was trying to avoid buying a car because all of the money I had saved up I had been saving for something grand and exciting and now that I have very little savings I feel exactly how I thought I would, tied down. Having monthly payments and having to work to make them, being in debt for the next 4 or 5 years gives me a mid-life crisis feeling. Signing the paperwork for my car didn't make me happy particularly. Don't get me wrong, I like my car and prior to signing the paperwork I definitely felt like it was the car that I liked the most of the cars I looked it, but afterwards, coming home, and looking at my savings and realizing I'll be owing $300 $350 whatever a month until I'm 28-29 years old makes me sad. It is definitely true that I don't like commitment but I also very much feel trapped by the debt. I feel like I've sacrificed a bit of my future today. Buyer's remorse? Maybe.

Radiohead - Reckoner

I'm getting ready to goto work and looking at Harrison Ford on the box cover of my Indiana Jones DVD set. What a cool guy. Which job am I getting ready for? I'm getting ready to go operate a ride at Disneyland. Its a job generally reserved for college kids and retired people, which I am neither. Is it normal to always feel like you're in a state of transition? Isn't there some point where you're supposed to feel like this is where you belong in that moment? Maybe its just me, but it feels like there are constantly decisions and choices to be made at every turn. Like recently I have to decide if I want to buy a car, used or new, cheap or expensive. Do I want to have monthly payments? Do I just want to buy a used car with the cash I have? If I have monthly payments, it means I'm stuck with them and it generally means I'm stuck financially. Then I have two jobs. I can't and don't want to quit my entry level job, but I don't want to commit at the well paying "adult" job because I don't enjoy anything about it (outside of the pay and wearing ties). Its like I always have one foot in and one foot out.

Kanye West - Everything I Am