Today I got my photos back from Rome. I had this plan to take photos of everybody in the program with an old point and shoot film camera. I still like the surprise of seeing my pictures instead of the instant results of the digital camera. Or at least I thought I would. Instead my photos really turned out to be a giant crap shoot. Some turned out how I imagined they would, but others were disappointing. And then others I just didn't even remember taking. But I'm glad I took these photos, even the bad ones. The photos from my digital camera are mostly viewable because I already filtered out ones that had poor lighting or were out of focus. I think learning to accept the failures of my photography with the successes teaches me a lesson. I have to deal with the fact that I've got to just accept what I have right now in this moment because thats all I'll ever have.

The last 3 weeks I've been home I've been trying to post something relevant about Rome. I've searched the depths of my memories for some meaning or something tangible that I can point to in order to sum up my experiences. But for some reason everytime I think of Rome all I can think about is how delicious the world's "4th best pizza" in Piazza Risorgimento is. I only ate there twice, both times during the last week of the program yet thats what comes to mind first and almost immediately. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to feel about it all. I certainly don't want to forget any of it, but I realize that I have already forgotten more than I can afford to.

I think the thing about Rome I miss was the exploration. Certainly the free time to do the exploring was helpful, but being in such a different environment lent itself to a lot of discovery. And whats more, is that all of this discovery was done on foot, for the most part. Although I missed driving and I still enjoy it, there is a certain disconnectedness about it. Walking places forced me to absorb the surroundings. Here at home, I even drive to the grocery store, although its not far, a mere 5 minutes by car. But walking? I couldn't even tell you, but I'd guess at least 20 minutes. Life and society is just different here, obviously. (Revelations continue to evade me...)

Imogen Heap - Hide and Seek

The adventure in Rome ends this week. I fear that I'm leaving this episode of my life much the same as when I entered it. I don't feel as though I've grown immensely as a person because of this trip and perhaps that was just how I am. I certainly have learned a lot and met some new, interesting and fun people, but on a personal level I feel more lost than ever.

People say that they regret not having done certain things, particularly on my program and that certainly applies to me as well. I was thinking about when the first time I met some of the people on this program was. Not over 4 months ago, obviously, yet I couldn't remember. I went over to some people's apartment tonight to ask them if they remembered, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. It seemed to me asking such a thing would constitute some breach of the friendship, although I'm sure it means nothing. Our first encounter was simply uneventful because of the large numbers of new people we met in such a short period of time.

Over the course of the last month, thinking about home made me wish the departure date couldn't come sooner. Its not that I was having an awful time in Rome, I certainly am not, but the thought of home made me feel good. Perhaps it was knowing what was there awaiting me. But now that date bears down on me and I don't know what to feel anymore. I want to go home, that I know for sure. Yet my decided preparedness to go home 2 months into the program has left me. I no longer feel the desire to retrun home, but perhaps that is a product of my pending return to America. I always want what I can't have because the grass is always greener on the other side and hope springs eternal if I know what awaits me on my set path.

Nek - La Vita E

Saturday night I tagged along with the Sociology of Postwar Italy class to a "night life" site visit. We were lead by Italian to this hole in the wall club. Well okay, first we went to this trendy looking bar with a Hendrix coverband playing. But then we went down the street to some shady looking building. There were no signs, just graffiti and not like a graffiti signs. I'm pretty sure the graffiti had nothing to do with what laid inside. We crowded past the Italians waiting at the entrance and got into the club. It was sort of confusing at first. On stage was some sort of band, but they had no guitars I can remember. All I remember was a lot of brass instruments. It must've been a 12 peice band. It was crazy. But they played only two songs before the left the stage.

The club DJ then started to spin some strange, maybe Middle Eastern music. I think its silly but all the Italians get into the dancing. Now while normal Italian men are forward, here, they don't seem to take too much interest in hitting on people, they simply dance. And by dance I mean flail arms, jump around and do anything they want, in rhythm (or not) to the music. Well, when in Rome... So I and the rest of the Americans jumped in and danced. We moshed, I did whatever I felt like doing, dancewise. It was awesome. No need to worry about meeting the beats because dancing to Beck, Nirvana and oldies don't require too much ability (which I don't have anyways). But what really made the night for me was while I did whatever my heart desired, I thought of somebody I hadn't thought about for a long time. Not just since before I came to Rome but even prior to that. Thinking of her made me happy, realizing where I'd come and how I was able to live in the moment like I'm thinking and hoping she is (and would do) too. It was my best night out in Rome yet.

N'Sync - It's Gonna Be Me Man, how awesome are boy bands?

Italian guys are funny. Its totally normal for people to just stare at other people here in Italy. Like guys can totally be checking out a girl and nobody thinks anything of it. In fact, people can just stare at other people and its completely normal. I'm still not used to it and I try to stare other people down if they look at me for too long. But I do enjoy watching the Italian guys just because they're creepily funny. Perhaps if I hang out with them more I'll adapt some of their traits, haha. I'm still getting the hang of approaching Italian girls. They don't seem to be quite as receptive of foreigners as American girls are of European guys. I don't know, I think I need to drink a little earlier for the liquid confidence. Ha.

Joshua Radin - Closer

hail and cold freeze me
yet rome is still beautiful
and spring in spain waits!

Today in Rome is hailed, twice. The weather here is quite the unpredictable. Once in the morning before I left then again while I was walking to the police station. Strange, but thats Rome huh? Classes started this week. I've got Monsday (Monday and Wednesday) classes only. Its a solid 8 hours of class those two days. Thinking about class makes me want to return to America.

The morning before I was to goto Paris alone I woke up at around 8:30. I felt really nervous for two minutes. But then I just got out of bed and did my routine normally. Paris was alright. I think I kepe saying how much I hate it because I was alone. I mean I met some people, roommates at the hostel, but not speaking French was fairly intimidating. Exploring is fun only when you have somebody to share things with. I've taken away important experience, however, the experience of not ever wanting to travel alone if I can help it, especially not for four days.

I'm not quite in the mood to write anymore, perhaps more whenever I get another chance.

rome is super cool
sometimes i still miss so cal
i love spaghetti!

Hans Zimmer - The Battle

London was fun for a second time. I think its my favorite city in the world. Okay, maybe second to New York City (and Long Beach). Maybe I'll live here sometime. I love the fact that their public transportation is so efficient. I love the accents. I love the international feel of things here. I mean I realize that its largely because of the tourists but fobs are cool people too. Theres the Muji store and girl. She's cute. Only bad thing about this city is the weather. So cold yet cold at the same time. But thats bareable for its awesomeness. Plus, this hostel is really awesome too.

Tomorrow I'm going off to Paris alone. I can't decide if I'm scared, nervous or what. When I made my split decision to go there by myself I was pretty shaken up by my own bravado but since thinking about it, it doesn't seem that awful. I think its because there just isn't anything to be afraid of about it. I'm grown up and money isn't really an issue. Sure the not speaking French thing could be an issue, but as it is I can barely get by on my Italian. Time is running out on my internet cafe time.

Beach Boys - Barbara Ann

There have been so many moments here in Rome that I already have probably forgotten. I've heard of people getting so drunk and forgetting what they've done and I'm not sure if I can be like that. I certainly enjoy drinking, don't get me wrong, but forgetting whats going on seems like its a waste of time. I don't know, I also can't figure this wine business out either. Some wine tastes "alright" but I'd never pick it over a nice lemonade or iced tea. But I'm trying. Maybe I just haven't found the right one yet. Just like I haven't found that happy medium between tipsy and tipping over and forgetting your entire evening.

THe other day I was wandering around here in Roma by Termini (the main traffic hub) and I wandered by a pet store. I saw some very cute dogs in the window and there was a lady up next to the puppies tapping at the class and the doggies were reacting to her. She kept saying cutesy things in Italian and I stood up next to the glass too in order to better admire the dogs. Dogs, by the way, are quite popular here in Roma and so well behaved. I hardly hear any barking and dogs don't seem to need tying up either. They can be left alone when eating dinner and most places allow dogs, including most stores. I love it. So after spending a minute or two at the pet shop window I noticed some other people looking at the pets and I saw an old guy, maybge 60-70 smoking a cigarette (everybody smokes, luckily they just passed a law banning smoking in public places before I arrived) and he stood a good 10 feet back looking at the dogs. I walked a ways away and continued to watch the guy and he kept watching the dogs whilst enjoying (I assume) his cigarette and then he left. I realized something then, life and people here in Roma are much the same as they are back home. Men are still unwilling to show their emotions, the opposite of women. The lady went straight up to the dog to tap on the glass and express her fondess for the canine kind while the man stood back and watched from afar. Maybe he was just checking out the ladies. They do that a whole lot here too.

Another Roma moment:

Isn't the idea of travelling abroad to take in another culture? I think thats what people say. But home is always home. Sure, Roma does have a certain home-y feel to it now, but when I went into McDonald's the other day it was the most delicious Big Mac I'd ever had in my life. And French Fries never tasted so good. They were like golden sticks of potato-ey oragsm. Why I do believe somebody described it as "I almost cried when I ate my Big Mac." (not me, but it was sooo delicious) I've been to McDonald's two times since and I've been abroad barely 3 weeks.

Then today while wandering I found out about the existence of something I missed very much. I was almost giddy to find out about it. I went into this market and I thought the shopkeeper was Chinese but she turned out to be Vietnamese. After buying some very expensive asian products (re: instant noodles) I left the store. But then a minute after leaving it hit me! I ran back into the store and in probably the worst Italian grammar ever I asked her if she knew any Pho restaurants. When she told me, she wrote down the address, and phone number, which she knew off the top of her head (guess the Asians all know each other) I almost skipped out of the store.

The point is, why, if I'm supposed to be experiencing and enjoying these new cultures and ways of life do I constantly find myself looking for familiar foods, products, and things in general. I thought my not being sad about leaving home (or my un-homesickness) meant that I would be ready to live life type thing, yet my continued discovery of how much I love Ronald McDonald, Vietnamese food and white rice (we also went to a not very good Chinese restaurant) has forced me to take a new perspective on things. Thats probably what people mean you never know what you have until its gone. I can't wait to have some Pho tomorrow.

Modungo - Nel Blu DiPinto Di Blu

I've been abroad for about 10 days now. I haven't talked to anybody back in the United States since I was in London, except a few words here and there on AIM. I have no idea whats going on. Well okay, I did email my parents to tell them that Rome is cold but other than that, I've detached myself. I don't know what that means yet. And I don't mean to sound superior to others (although, I suppose, I often think that I am, unfortunately) I've heard people talk about how they feel homesick and I've seen it in some cases. But when I was at LAX I wasn't particularly sad about leaving home for 4 months. And now that I'm here, I keep thinking there will be a general time when I, and others, will start feeling that longing for home, but I can't say that I have, at all. I'm glad that I am able to adjust and I'm not attached to anybody or thing back home but in the same notion, its sad that I am so disconected that I am able to leave everything behind without any emotional attachment.

At any rate, Rome is fun. Went to Campo di Fiore by night, which is really just a big area with a lot of bars and American people. I've seen many of the historical sites and photographed some, but I've also begun to just take them for granted as I think many Romans do. Its awesome that they're like right next door to my apartment and for that reason they become easily absorbed into daily life and don't stand out as something that represents the course of human history. Maybe when my historical classes start I'll have a better understanding for these great monuments. First test tomorrow. Mi piace studiare Italiano.

Vasco Rossi - Un Senso My favorite Italian song, ever.

Hey hey! My first and probably last post from London. One week ago I was just lounging around my house and now I won't be home for four months. All through the last quarter at school and into the winter break while I was working I was so totally excited about going abroad, but then the week of my impending departure, I was very not excited at all about it. Then I didn't pack till the last moment, true to form.

The plane ride was very cramped but pleasant surprises at every turn. I'd never been on a plane with personal televisions so I got to watch The Forgotten, an episode of the Simpsons and an episode of Friends and most of the movie Confidence. I didn't sleep much and when we got the London the next morning I wasn't much tired either. We just wandered around the neighborhood near Paddington Station and now I've become a London pro, at least for this area. Today was fun, we took a bus tour and wandered and tried to see everything in one day.

London is very confusing. These darned "look right" instead of looking left when crossing the street still throws me off. And the shops closed at 7pm on a Tuesday. So all of that was very boring but I still can't get enough of people's accents. They're quite delightful. I even had somebody say "Cheerio." Hilarious! I ought to stick to stereotypes to and use the word "dude" as often as possible, being from California and all. Anyways, this keyboard pisses me off, cheers from London.