Holy crap, I just lost a very long post, this sucks ass. I guess I'll have to retype that whole thing, or the basic idea anyways. Damn.

Over the last week or so I've been fairly busy. I saw several movies, xXx which didn't have enough of what the title implied but was a fun movie nonetheless. Worth the price of admission, but not twice. I also saw Clint Eastwood's Blood Work with my father. The movie wasn't great, good acting, but the ending wasn't too big of a surprise. What made watching it worthwhile was spending the time with my dad. I guess that I'm getting to that age when I should make an effort to spend time with family or else I won't get to ever. Comes with the growing older I suppose.

The next day I was guilt-tripped into going to dinner with my parents and their friends from the East coast who've come to visit. My parents used the whole "We did this for you so you should sacrifice your time for us..." thing. The dinner itself wasn't bad, but now that I'm older I find that seeing my parents converse with friends makes me feel good too. I'm glad that they still are able to laugh and stuff. I know most people don't want to become their parents but I hope I'll at least be able to be where my parents when I'm their age. I don't want to be a senile old man living alone with all of my neighbors saying, "There goes that creepy old man." Heh. But at the rate my romantic life goes? Maybe I'll end up like that anyways.

I also watched Blue Crush and while it wasn't exactly a Baywatch boob fest I'd planned on, the lack of cleavage was made up for with the very exciting shots of surfing and moderately good story. But the story was a bit too tidy at the end and NFL quarterback was a bit unbelievable as well. But that aside, a good movie. After the movie I spent some time talking with some friends about how things have been going, more or less. I guess I'm at that age where I get to talk about where has my youth gone. Certainly not mid-life crisis stage yet, but at least half-way there. So I'm at like my quarterlife crisis. I keep hearing about people stressing over the upcoming decision about selecting a major and I, like many, have no idea what I want to do. There are those that seem to know exactly what they want out of life and how they're going to achieve it and me? Not even the slightest clue.

In elementary school I was assigned a project to do a presentation about what I wanted to do in the future for a job. I made this giant poster of an astronaut on the moon with the American flag and I did a little thing about being an astronaut. My parents and my teachers of course would say things like, "If you want to be an astronaut you should go find out about space, sounds like a fun job!" I can't remember what my classmates wanted to be or anything like that, so I don't have any basis for comparison in this matter, but what I do remember is that I didn't really even want to be an astronaut. Not that I didn't want to be an astronaut, its just that I really didn't know what I wanted to be at all. I merely picked astronaut because I thought it'd be a cool poster to draw (since we had to make a visual aid) and I thought it was a cool job. And thats how I am now. So I guess since I was a kid I've been very indecisive. How is it that people know what they want to be? How do some people know that they want to be an astronaut and others, like me, merely thing its a cool job but don't really want to be one, merely accept how it is? I'm not like Anne-Marie (Kate Bosworth) in Blue Crush where she wants to be a professional surfer. I could see how growing up in Hawaii would lead to that dream, but I didn't grow up in Hawaii or even in Cape Canaveral (for being an astronaut). I grew up in the suburbs of Southern California and I have no dreams of my own. But at least I'm not alone in sharing in the dreams of others.

Things I Like #25: Amelie. Yes, I know I'm not the first, and certainly not the last to discover that she'll "Change my life." I'm only listing this because somebody told me to rent it and I'm very happy to have watched it. Thanks.

Bob Dylan - Like a Rolling Stone

My Favorite Female Part Is: The Face: Sweet and angelic... except when she yells at me... Find out your favorite female body part!

My birfday is on Thursday, August 15th. Unfortunately I don't really have anything planned, just work. My mom asked me if I wanted to do anything and I just told her that I didn't really want to do anything because I don't know. I was never big on birthdays anyways. Of course getting stuff is always cool, but I figure, I can get stuff and money on days that aren't my birthday. I don't know.

Sarge, the doggy that I liked at the shelter, got adopted before I really got a chance to adopt him. Sigh. Its starting to look as though I'm not going to get a dog, not this summer anyways. Its almost the start of the school year, yes yes, 1 more month at least, but still, I kind of wanted to get aquainted with the dog and what not first. Oh well, maybe I'll adopt a kid instead. Maybe that'll be easier. ;)

Things I Like #24: Realizing how much more experienced I am now then I was before. Like when I look at myself in a situation now, I would think, "Hey, a year (or whatever) ago I wouldn't have made the right choice!" Of course nostalgia always plays a part of thinking back and then I get all emotional, but still, I'm experienced now! (In some things, not so much in others)

Jimmy Eat World - Hear You Me

I need therapy. Thats what I've concluded after countless nights listening to Dr. Drew and Adam Carolla on Love Line. Whenever people call in with even partially weird problems like plain ol' depression (and not my father is sleeping with my sister) I've found that they usually recommend some sort of therapy. Of course Dr. Drew has a bias somewhat being a doctor, but I'm sure he doesn't benefit from people going to other doctors he isn't associated with and he merely wants to help people out. At any rate, I think I should goto therapy because I want to know what in my past has caused me to be the way I am. I realize that there is still that debate about nature vs. nurture and maybe I was born lazy, but in my limited experience, it would seem to me that society and past experience affects people's development the most. At any rate, I often do self diagnosing and say things like "Oh, I have a slight intimacy problem because my family is Asian and they're not big on initimacy in public," or something like that but I want a psychologist to say "Good job, you're very correct." Or, "You're stupid, I wil fix you up good and stop making self diagnoses."

Then there is this other side of me that thinks, "No, therapy is expensive and a waste of my parents' money." And its that mindset which has allowed me to avoid ever talking to my parents about wanting something like therapy. Well that and I don't want my parents thinking that they somehow messed up on me and that would make them worry unnecessarily. Maybe in the future I'll be like Pierce Brosnan in Thomas Crown Affair where he has a psychologist that he sees to just talk about things. I'd love to have that. Sure, people will just say thats what friends are for, you talk with them. And I heartily agree with that view, and if anybody every needed to talk to me about something like that I'd certainly be more than willing to help, but I, like most people I know, aren't professionals. Theres got to be some reason these people went to college for 6, 7 years. So when it comes down to it, I'd still like the advice of a professional. You wouldn't buy a car without reading up some in Consumer Reports or Car & Driver, so why would you make life choices without consulting some professional. Yeah, I don't know what I'm talking about.

I was listening to National Public Radio on my way home for "work" and I heard a segment called "My So-Called Lungs" which was basically an audio diary of this girl, well woman I guess you'd call her since she's 21, but at any rate, if you're too lazy to read the link, which I'm guesing tons of people are (unfortunately not tons of people read my site) I'll do a quick summary. This girl has Cystic Fibrosis and well people with it generally only live to their mid-20's sometimes less. She's tried to live normally for her 21 years and that got me thinking about life. What does she do when she knows that she probably won't live to see 30? Does she just go crazy? I'm sure some days she must because it means that her work is probably futile. And her parents too. I don't know, just a mix of feelings about it. Anyways, I think that if you've got the time to read my site, you should maybe take the 20 minutes, or whatever it is, to listen to her diary. I think its very... thought-provoking and I'd think that at least some of the people who read my site, just because of the people I know, would find something like that interesting. And I'm pretty sure you'd know what kind of thoughts I'm thinking too.

I went back to see Sarge today and he didn't seem to like me. He was a mellow doggy, but the lady said that he probably didn't take to me because his past owner probably looked (or smelled) like me and was abusive. But she said that if I want to keep trying I should go back tomorrow and spend more time with him. I'm going to do that.

This I Like #23: Instant gratification.

Student Rick - South of Blackford

I recently viewed Signs and it wasn't half bad. I'll try to not give away any plot elements, but I found that the movie was one of those been there done that type of things where I only really want and/or need to see it once. It was definately good to see once, but after that? Eh. It was very much like Sixth Sense and Unbreakable in that they Shyamalan likes to make everything fit together nicely. Bleh. And there were some other pretty dumb things about it too, but I won't say them, if you want to know what I think, ask me. Shyamalan's says he wants to be like Steven Spielberg and have people goto see a "Shyamalan movie" as opposed to "Mel Gibson in a Shyamalan movie." Or thats what he said in Time or Newsweek, I'm not sure which. At any rate, I think that he does have that kind of drawing power, as evidenced by the $60 million weekend, but he isn't nearly as good as Spielberg at directing. I wouldn't mind watching Saving Private Ryan multiple times, in fact, I own the DVD, but Signs? Sixth Sense? I wouldn't have them in my DVD collection unless someone gave them to me for free.

Well, its Tuesday night and tomorrow I've still got work. The kids are pretty interesting. I've certainly gotten to know a lot more of them. Last post I was talking about how people develop and I've found that "working" with the little kids at the Chinese school has got me thinking about that again. I always wonder if I something (or anything) I do is affecting the kid's personalities. Most of the kids are ages 4-7, the older kids do their own things without much supervision. More likely than not I'm guessing that these kids have already developed permanent personalities and I'm just a Yield or Caution sign along their road of life. (How's that for metaphors!) I wonder if the kids will even remember me in a few years, I certainly can't remember anything from back when I was that age aside from a few slide show images, no true memories though. Eh.

I've found that I've taken a liking to certain kids moreso than others and I wonder if that makes me a bad person. I can't help it really. Some of the kids are just more annoying, or not as cute as the other kids. I've found that when a kid is cute I can tolerate more annoyance from them than from the... not so cute kids. Its disgusting, or so I thought. But then I was talking to some of the older people there who are my age and they agree with me about who is tolerable and cute and who is annoying and ... not so cute. This is a very disappointing aspect of this job (and myself) that I've found that I'm unable to be impartial to all the kids and that I tend to converse and spend more time drawing (or whatever activity doing) with the kids that I like... oh well. More on the children next time.

As far as the dog search goes. I was there Sunday and I saw a Chow mix named Sarge that was very nice looking. Unfortunately somebody took his card to either put him on hold or apply to have him so I wasn't able to take him out of his cage to take a looksie. Too bad really, but tomorrow I'm going to back to check him out and hopefully he's still there. He seems to be the dog that I want. He's got what's described as "red" hair, although I'd just say its brown, a really bright brown. His hair is long so I'm not sure if that'll work out for apartment life, but I'm sure I can figure something out. I was also wondering if I should rename the dog or just use the name that it was put into the shelter with. I'm assuming that somebody names all the strays (likely the volunteers) so it can't be wrong for me to rename it, can it? Not that I've found there's anything wrong with the given names or anything, I was just thinking about it and I sort of came to the conclusion that I'd keep the name the same.

Things I Like #22: When children want you to be their friends. I recently was "allowed" to be on the "Best Friends" list of one of the students at my "job." I saw her drawing something that she labelled "Best Friends" and when she asked me how to spell my name, I was quite happy about that.

Green Day - Waiting

Today I was watching ABC and after Drew Carey there was this show called "The Brain Game: What's Sex Got To Do With It?" And the whole program was about how people's brains develop and how biology affects the way people think and stuff. I thought it was pretty interesting. I don't really have any important thoughts about it except that they overemphasized how biology is the determining factor, when I think that culture plays a lot too. But thats just me and they're all credited scientists.

At any rate, its been a busy few days for me, surprisingly. I've been busy because I actually got employment, sort of. I'm working daycare/babysitting type thing at Chinese School. Its not too bad really. The kids are fun. I like them. Its weird, but I can see what type of people they will probably be in the future just based on how they act. I don't know why. I think its because I connect them to people that I know in real life. The kids are a bit annoying though at times because they always question me and stuff, and I'm more of their friend than anything, a very tall friend, but friend nonetheless. Anyways, I'll have more to say about the kids later on when I get to know them better.

Two days ago I went to a beach party at Huntington Beach. It was pretty fun. It was fun to get out. Just spending time out is fun of course. Building a human pyramid, that human knot thing and 5 minutes of "football" (if you could call it that) was fun.

Ugh, I seriously wanted to write something interesting again, but I wasted time looking at stuff online trying to multi-task. BLAH! Next time, always next time.

Things I Like #21: When people are nice. Yes, this seems very general, but what I mean is for example, on the freeway when you let people pass and they raise their hands just to say "thanks" or when you're walking on the street and people say "hi" or at least nod their head to acknowledge your presence. Maybe I'm just a sap.

Paulina Rubio - Lo Hare Por Ti