Is it just me or is everybody really depressed now a days? Like everywhere I turn I see these "What is life about?" and "What am I doing here?" type questions being posed. Well okay, its only like 5 people, but I'm sure there are more than those five that are thinking like this, just that I don't really know about it... Anyways, I sort of went through that too and it still comes back and all, but it isn't such a big issue for me any more. I figure that most people, that I know, are getting it lately because of college and realizing that they need to choose a career and why, shit like that. And probably for freshmen especially since they are just getting to college and having to deal with being independent and having a lot of time on my hands. I, on the other hand, already went through that since I had a lot of time on my hands (due to not studying and assorted other things) in high school too, so I figure I'm ahead of the game, in that respect anyways.

Unfortunately, I don't have any advice for these people. Nothing worthwhile at any rate, and that is what bothers me. I know that most of these people are pretty 'okay' but I really wish I were able to tell them something at least. It really sucks to have to stand by and watch these people, mostly my friends, go through something like that. Especially for those who are not "okay" as opposed to those who are simply pondering the question. And of course, I sincerely hope these people find answers to their troubles, or heaven-forbid, I'll have to step in sometime and lay down a barrage of my endless ramblings. Heh.

As of late, I've been having a runny nose, but with no other symptoms of a cold, I think I'm picking up some of the less positive parts of my family's gene pool. My dad gets allergies, hay fever, I believe, and I think thats what I've got since I sneeze a bunch too. Not cool. I'll bet I'll have that poofy eye feeling too... in geek talk, this sux0rz!

In procrastinating and not writing my English essay, I've decided to talk some more about stuff that I've been doing, and in order to fulfill my "Craaaaaazy Mind" quota, I figured I'd tell about my "Craaaaaazy" antics. And really, they're not all that crazy, not in the "Dumb & Dumber" crazy sense where its so ludicrous its funny, more like the, "oh my goodness he's bordering on mental instability" type of crazy. Once again, not cool, I know. So probably a week ago, around this time, I was not sleeping and browsing the internet. My roommate was asleep so being the cool roommate that I am, I turned off all the lights and used my headphones so as to not disturb him. I'm such a nice guy (even though I'm unpolitely blunt at times, but thats a totally other "Craaaaaazy" thing about me I won't talk any more about here). At any rate, I began to watch the movie Serendipity again. For some reason, night time makes me want to watch these kind of movies. Or maybe its the being alone that makes me want to watch them, as opposed to the night time and it just so happens that night time is when I'm alone the most amount of times. But I'm digressing. If you know this movie at all, you'll know that the two characters meet during the Christmas season in a Bloomingdale's while both picking up the same pair of cashmere black gloves at the same time. And for some obscene reason, after watching select scenes from that movie, I decided I had to have my own pair of these black cashmere gloves.

I searched around the internet, in the dark room, at 4:00AM at night and finally found similar ones at Bluefly.com. And for an even "Craaaaaazier" reason, I purchased these gloves using my already bloated credit card ($400+ for that month) and bought these cashmere gloves for $20.00. Luckily for me, before the package arrived a few days earlier, I realized that I was crazy and I reasoned my way out of buying them. Okay, well I still have them, but I now have a valid reason for buying them. Looking at my calendar, I was fortunately reminded that Mother's Day was coming up, so thats what the gloves are for... Mother's Day. Yeah.

In buying these gloves, I find that I'm a complete loser. Yeah yeah, rag on me all you want about me saying that, but I am totally a loser for buying them. Somehow I lead myself to believe that by purchasing these gloves, I'll by some means be able to be a part of the magic of the movie, or maybe even have some girl, not too far removed from Kate Beckinsale be destined to find me. Its just like when children want action figures of their favorite movie in order to be a part of that movie. So yeah, I'm not only a loser, I'm a childish loser. Ah well. Silver lining in everything, at least I'm still in touch with my youth.

Things I Like: #8 Getting phone calls.

Nonpoint - What a Day

Green Day ROCKED! Too bad Blink wasn't too hot. And I missed Jimmy Eat World so that was rather blah. But I'll be sure to make it to the next Jimmy concert, whenever that may be. Blink was all off key in their singing and the only redeeming quality about their set is that they played "Dammit" at the end... which is pretty much all I wanted to hear from them anyways. And they didn't even sing another song into it in the middle of the song (a la the KROQ Almost Acoustic CD version of the song), which really really sucked. Green Day was just cool. They made a band there by pulling members of the audience and letting them play and they had a drummer too, a rather chunky guy, but he got kicked out cuz he sucked at playing drums, heh. And they finished with "Good Riddance (Time of Your Life)" which was really cool. All in all, good money spent and a good time was had by all.

I really had a lot to write, but I can't really remember it any more. Maybe that article about sleep was right. When you don't sleep, you lose focus etc. etc. Heh.

Things I Like: #7 When its kind of cold, during the fall especially, and the sun comes out of the clouds and I feel the warmth on my face.

Timbaland & Magoo - All Y'all

Fans in Los Angeles are unbelievable. The faithless letters published in last Saturday's Times about the Dodgers' early-season woes were, no doubt, written by the same finicky bandwagon sports "enthusiasts" (not fans) who call for Steve Lavin's firing every year and can be seen leaving basketball games in the middle of the fourth quarter, leaving baseball games in the seventh inning and who complain when the local teams don't win a championship every year. They are the same people who most likely could be found cheering this past weekend in the series against the Rockies, screaming, "We did it!"

Please. Either have faith in your team or find yourself a new one, but stop complaining when the Bruins don't go 32-0 or the Dodgers fail to finish 162-0.

-Mike Sandler, Los Angeles Times

Word.

Because of not sleeping last night and this morning and not going to sleep until this afternoon, I am no wide awake at 3 AM. After watching Good Will Hunting this morning (see previous post), I decided to watch a movie I've wanted to watch for a while and finally found available for download... er... I mean purchase at a respectable retailer for the suggested retail price. Anyways so I "aquired" Serendipity and watched it just now. The movie, set in New York City, is a predictable story about a couple, Kate Beckinsale and John Cusack who meet in New York City, spend a few perfect hours together and let their future relations depend on destiny, or fate, or what have you. This movie turns out like any other romantic comedy and through a series of wild-goose chases and crazy antics, they end up together because fate has brought them together, a "fortunate accident" as the movie would imply.

But people, myself included, don't go to a movie like this for the ending, its the journey to the ending that we want to watch. This movie is for all those hopeless romantic types who are in love with the feeling of being in love, as opposed to actually loving somebody, if that makes any sense at all. And since I talked about what Good Will Hunting made me feel, I thought a cheesy romantic comedy would lighten up my mood, and it did, for the most part. In the movie they speak of a favorite "New York moment" and I hope I can have those. I want something magical to happen in my life. If nothing remotely magical happens to me, then life may just be a "series of meaningless accidents or coincidences" as this movie strives to tell me it isn't. There are moments when I can just sit or stand in a place and "feel" the world around me when I'm alone, but those moments are few and far between and they can hardly be classified as "magical." Then there are those moments during which I'm with a group of friends and just having fun and I think to myself "these are the times that I want to remember when I'm old and living in a retired persons home in Florida so I can share with my old lady." Or something along those lines. But I haven't had a moment in my life where you get that feeling of something welling-up inside your chest, just above your stomach but below where one would normally put their hand "over their heart" to pledge alliegiance to a flag. The only times I've felt like that, in a happy setting is under the flicker of the light from a movie projector in a darkened theatre. The feeling that builds up there is sort of like a culmination of the butterflies from being nervous, the "hole" in your heart from being very sad and the "unable to breathe" because you're laughing too hard feeling, is the best way to describe it. I've never been able to articulate myself in the way I wish I could. I need a moment or a series of moments which I can look back upon and say "that was the greatest moment in my life" and think "it was pure magic."

Things I like: #6 The feeling of a warm blanket on my skin.

Jimmy Eat World - A Sunday

Well, this may seem as though I'm posting at such an early time in the morning because I've somehow re-adjusted my sleeping schedule to the schedule that normal people have. Well, no, I haven't, I haven't slept since yesterday when I woke up and I'm only starting to feel tired right now. Anyways, after a night of slacking off, I started to watch Good Will Hunting and they have reminded me of some not so happy things I've been thinking about. I wouldn't say they're depressing, but I'm sure they're not healthy really. I don't know if whomever reads this site, most likely nobody, who reads this have seen Good Will Hunting, but if you'll remember, there is the professor who "helps" Will Hunting out by making him go see Robin Williams, yada yada. At any rate, theres this scene in which Will brings a math proof to the professor who questions one of the answers or whatever you call it, I'm not much of a math person. And Will goes on to say something like "Trust me, I'm sure its right." And that professor is like "But but..." And then they have an argument about how the Will has the ability to do this proof because its "so simple" for him but the professor could barely comprehend it. And then the professor rambles on about how Will is throwing his talent away, blah blah, sleepless nights, etc. etc. But that isn't really relevant to what gets to me.

Somebody recently was discussing what their "greatest fear" was and their response was something like "being alone" and not a "oh no, I'm alone in my house and the Scream guy is going to get me" type thing but like a growing old alone type thing which I completely understand. And thats certainly a fear that I've got what my fear is sort of like the professor from Good Will Hunting. What if I'm not unique, or nobody is unique? What if there is somebody out there who can do everything I do, but one-up me? Certainly theres nobody exactly alike, so I'm not quite sure how I'd put this, but what if theres a person out there who is able to do everything i pride myself on doing, but better. Certainly there will be somebody better at everything, but it won't be the same person who is better, its an assortment of different people, like basketball. Everybody is better than me at that, and being whiny, what if somebody is better than me at that too!? Basically, what if there is somebody out there who is better at being me than I am at being me? I realize this sounds sort of crazy, but those are the feelings that I get when I see scenes like the scene in Good Will Hunting.

Anyways, enough of that. Go watch National Lampoon's Van Wilder. Its funny and there are hot women, including, but not limited to, Tara Reid and Ivana Bozilovic. They're really hot. And theres a funny Indian guy too, he's "pimpin" funny. Go watch it, you'll understand.

And more good news, the Dodgers are whooping ass again! They swept the Colorado Rockies. Ishii-mania baby!

Things I like: #5 The smell of money.

Wyclef Jean - We Trying to Stay Alive

This is disgusting. Barry Bonds has got four home runs in two games. Do you know what that means? He's on a pace to hit 324 home runs this season. And to further disgust me, his first four home runs have come against my beloved Dodgers. Oh, and the fact that I didn't bother to draft Barry Bonds for any of my fantasy leagues doesn't help either. At this point, the Dodgers are losing to the San Francisco Giants 12-0. Or as any San Fran person might say, "the Dodgers are losing hella bad." The Dodgers have three hits, at the start of the sixth. The Giants, fourteen. But its okay, us Dodger fans are still optimistic. Well I am anyways. And like Vin Scully said earlier in the fifth inning, "It could be worse."

*Sigh* "At the end of six, Giants 12, Dodgers zip!" says Vin Scully. Hopefully it won't get much worse before it gets better.

Anyways, I'm back at school now after a largely uneventful spring break. On my second day back to school, I was playing basketball and I stepped onto my friends foot and rolled my ankle, spraining it. So I went back, iced it, got an ankle brace and went to play later that nigt. Lo and behold, I did the exact same thing to the other ankle. Woo hoo. Luckily, the doctor tells me nothings broken and it should heal fine as long as I follow this handout they gave me.

Things I like: #4 The "hiss" sound that soda cans make when you open them.

Michael Jackson - Billie Jean