Got back from the The Two Towers midnight showing. And yes, it was very good.

Things I Like #33: I'm quite thankful for JRR Tolkien... without him I doubt I'd have things like Dungeons & Dragons to ruin my mind with. Thanks.

Enya - May it Be

I think my favorite time of the day is from about 5:30 AM till maybe 6:30 AM, depending on the time of year. Basically its just before the sun comes completely up and the sky is still gray, as though it were 6 or 7 PM of a gloomy day. The weather is always very cold, cold enough to see your breath and definately cold enough to need a light jacket at least. I like it because its like a blending of the best parts of night with the best parts of daytime. The street lights are still on and people are still driving with their headlights on but its pretty bright out. Nobody is really on the streets and whenever you get in your car from whereever you're coming from at that godawful hour, you just have to rub your palms together in a febble attempt to make fire as you turn your car's vents to full blast, heat. I realize that it doesn't provide for spectacular views as sunset or sunrise do, but its my favorite part of the day. The combination of the light fog, the cold enough to pretend smoke a cigarette, but not blistering cold temperatures, the lack of conscious people just comes together as my favorite part of the day.

Things I Like #32: The feeling of my car's heated seats, unfortunately they only work on the passenger side now...

Semisonic - Singing in my Sleep

Yesterday I was driving along the 91 freeway and I ran over an aluminum ladder. It was folded up and lying down, and it was pretty scary. I just thought I'd mention that. I would've tried to swirve, but the ladder covered up nearly two lanes and there were cars anyways. And after I was done worrying about my car, I was thinking, what would a rice rocket do in that situation. It would probably drag the ladder around, and it'd be funny. Well, funny until someone got hurt anyways, but isn't it always?

This quarter is almost over, and my grades seem to be on track to be decent, however, I can't be sure of it, but they seem to be okay. Last week my internet at my apartment went out. Stupid Charter Communications had it out for three days and for those three days I thought about what I did without the internet when I was younger. Unfortunately, I could only think of negative things since the introduction of the internet into my life. And with me, and people my age, it's difficult to think back like that because of this. Like when I say "Hey, back before I was connected to the world wide web, I did all sorts of cool things like coloring and playing GI Joes, and building Legos and sorting my baseball and basketball cards..." etc. However, I then keep thinking like "Yeah, but, those things are all stuff I did on account of my being young and I stopped doing because I'm older, not because I got the internet." Since people my age grew up and evolved at what seems to be the same pace as the internet evolved, I can't say if it weren't for the internet I would be doing all these other cool things, can I? I'm not sure if I'm getting across what it is I'm trying to say, but it makes sense in my head...

I was reading someone else's journal/blog-type thing and it said something like their parental unit told them that their household bills were more than their family income and I realized my parents, recently, have been telling me about my family's problems, or issues rather, more and more. Like they'll tell me about the health status of my grandparents and the financial status of the bills and how much they make monthly, if I ask them, whereas before they'd just say something like "Thats not something you need to know." And just laugh it off. I guess that means I'm getting more responsibility and trustable. I'm not sure if this is something I should embrace as being more mature and what not, or if I should take it as a warning that I'm getting too old too fast because I can still remember back when I wore velcro shoes because I couldn't tie my shoes correctly, and then I wore velcro Nikes a few years later because they were the "in" thing to have, even though I'd learned to tie my shoes by then... I guess everything in life is a marker for getting older since nobody's getting any younger. (Wow, what a revelation huh?)

My mom asked me last week what was the earliest memory I have. I couldn't tell her. I have a few memories of when I was really young, but I don't have them on a timeline, I just know I was really young then. But what bothers me isn't that I don't have a timeline, its that I only had a select few that I could piece together to form memories. Is it because I'm just not a very observant person and I can't remember things well? Or is it because people just don't remember things from childhood? Like even 7th grade, I can't remember a lot of it. I can remember snapshots of 7th grade, but the every day things, I just can't remember and yet I can recite lines from Back to the Future, all three of them, all 5 of the released Star Wars and other movies I've seen tons of times. So sure, you would say, yeah, but you don't relive your life's moments several times like you watch movies several times to help you remember, you only live them once (unless you've got a video camera I guess, but you don't capture feelings that way... but I'm getting off track). So fine, but I can recite the plotlines to some Simpsons and Friends episodes I've seen only once too. Maybe this media barrage I've been subjected to since childhood has affected me. Or does nobody remember things from as late as 5th or 6th grade? I find it very discouraging and even somewhat depressing that I can't remember most of my childhood. *sigh* I guess thats why parents always want to take pictures eh? If I only knew then what I know now. And If I only had a nickel for everytime I've thought that to myself... Heh... *sigh*

Things I Like #31: Finding old pictures and other nostalgic things I'd long forgotten about. Unfortunately, I've gone through my stuff in search of such a lucky find so many times that its very difficult to be surprised any more. Too bad, its always good to remember things. Its when you can't remember where things came from that you know you're starting to have problems.

The Weakerthans - Left and Leaving

Almost a month without updating. I've been leading on, mostly uneventfully. Its Riverside, what'd you expect? I haven't really done anything big or important, just the same ol' same ol' of going to class. Speaking of going to class... I keep getting this recurring dream, maybe 3 or 4 times now about forgetting about a class. Like right now, I'm registered for 4 classes but in my dream I keep thinking about this elusive 5th class that I registered for but never attended and I keep thinking "I should goto class or I'm going to fail...." And then I'll think "But its okay, theres still a few weeks left, I'll be fine...." And that isn't so bad since its a dream, but last week sometime, I was sitting in one of my lectures not paying too much attention and I started thinking to myself, "Whats that class I missed this morning? I remember skipping out on a class to sleep, but what was it?" And then I realized that it was the class from my dream. Thats just weird and disturbing. Maybe I'm losing my mind.

In other actual news, I've been looking into studying abroad. My parents keep telling me that I should seriously consider China so I can refine my Mandarin and learn about Chinese culture and what not. But I want to goto somewhere in Europe because I'm interested in taking a history class there. I've taken a good share of American history classes and I want to see what the Europeans think. Certainly, Chinese history might be interesting too, but the Communist thing probably would mean I'd be either getting propagandized or I'd only learn ancient Chinese history. Thats what my mom says anyways. And chances are I'd be mostly learning Chinese anyways. As far as Europe goes, I want to goto France, but I either have to homestay, which doesn't exactly wet my whistle or anything or I'd have to attend school in Paris with only UC students, which sort of defeats the purpose of studying abroad, at least part of the reason why I'd want to go abroad. Another good thing about Europe is the fact that you can travel anywhere via rail there. And if I went to one country, assumedly I could goto any country to visit at least, so that would be cool. Maybe visit some other students studying abroad, in say... Paris. I want to go here!

Speaking of Paris, I recently saw The Truth About Charlie. I know nobody else watched the movie, judging from the box office takes, but I liked it a lot. And that movie and Amelie make Paris look very pretty, to say the least. And then theres a line in "The Truth About Charlie" that went something like "Have you ever been in love in Paris?" And Mark Whalberg's character had some witty comeback, but the point is that Paris is a magical city, just like New York City. I mean nobody would ever say something like "Have you ever been in love in Milwaukee?" Or "Have you ever been in love in Green Bay, Wisconsin?" And being in love with Brett Favre so doesn't count because everyone in Green Bay, and Wisconsin for that matter, is in love with Brett Favre. So yeah, Paris has got something about it.

Gotta goto class.

Things I Like #30: I'm so glad that NBA basketball is back.

Nappy Roots - Po' Folks

Last Friday I went to a preseason Clippers game and it wasn't a bad game. I'm pretty happy about how the Clippers season is looking. On my way back from the Clippers game I was feeling pretty great. This came after eating a very good dinner at The Original Pantry Cafe on Figueroa, just a block away from the STAPLES Center. The Original Pantry, might I add, is open 24 hours and although its a bit pricey, compared to Olive Garden or even Denny's (whose prices are going up lately), its still the best steak I've ever had. And the huge portions of all the side dishes and free sourdough bread don't hurt either. But enough about that and more about my feelings and emotions because, frankly, thats what I want to talk about.

As I was on the 60 freeway leaving Los Angeles I... okay, first let me explain the terminology here since I'm thinking only one person will get this. Somebody once told me to read this book called The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky. Its basically about this kid in high school and his thoughts and its pretty interesting since most people who think even a little bit are likely to be able to relate to this book. People say its like a modern Catcher in the Rye and although it probably won't be a classic like that I'm inclined to agree. So go read it, I promise you'll like it. Anyways, early on in the book, the main character, Charlie, is riding home in a truck with friends after a night at the homecoming game and they listened very intently to a song and at the end of the song, Charlie says, "I feel infinite." And when I read that in the book, I realized that was probably the best way to describe that feeling of... well I can't describe it any better.

So after the Clippers game I'm driving home on the 60 and I see a bunch of those green freeway signs and one of them said Sacramento (and a number of miles I don't remember) and I thought to myself while looking at my fuel guage, I could go anywhere I want right now. I've no school since it's Friday, I won't be hungry for a long time after enjoying a great dinner, and I've got a full tank of gas. And I was listening to some song on my radio and while I couldn't say anything as profound as Charlie, that is exactly how I felt. The feeling of being able to go anywhere, be spontaneous. The song I was listening to was some acoustic guitar song but I can't remember what it was. I watched the headlights of my car hit the side of the freeway ramp and it was mesmerizing as I dwelled in the feeling. I can't really describe it other than how Charlie does. I felt infinite.

Things I Like #29: Being truly excited about a sports event. Sure, whenever I watch sports I always pay attention to it, but if somebody hits a shot or gets a double or makes an interception and I automatically leap out of my seat and scream and punch the air for 10 seconds, even when others aren't around, I like that feeling. I guess thats part of why people like sports, but I just wish I could get more excited during every game. But I suppose that would wreck havoc on my emotional state, especially when the team I want to win, loses. That is probably why people don't invest so much emotional energy into watching sports.

Bush - Glycerine

Don't you hate it when you can think of part of a song but you don't remember the song? I hate that too. Yesterday, some song popped into my head, but only a part of it and all I could think of was the tune, no lyrics, just the tune. Eventually I think I sort of got the lyrics, well 1 line anyways, but I couldn't for the life of me remember the song or where it was from. My search on the internet proved futile and now I can't even remember how the song goes any more. Its not like it was some great song, I knew that, but I just had to know because I knew today I wouldn't remember it, and well? I don't remember. Oh well, it'll probably come to me later when I don't even care any more.

Last night, I had a dream about buying this one jacket that I had seen at Anchor Blue over a year ago and I regret not buying it then. It was a very very nice jacket, black, think corduroy with yellow stitching and yellow inbetween each corduroy line. It was a Levi's Silvertab jacket. Unfortunately, I can't find it online nor in stores any more. Should've bought it last year and not worried about the price. I need to learn money management skills.

Things I Like #28: The Coors Light commercials, like the ones with the "Twins" with the Love Songs theme, there are 2 of those. And I like the rock versions of "These are a Few of My Favorite Things" and whatever the other song is.

Frank Sinatra - New York, New York

Written September 25th, but I didn't have the internet yet, so I just wrote it on notepad and copied/pasted it here.

Today is the first day in my apartment and already I've got a lot of feelings about it. I've been meaning to write, however, with moving and all and not having internet, I haven't had time to write about what I've been thinking.

Most people don't know but my parents went on vacation to China for three weeks leaving me alone to tend to the house. I know, it would seem obvious that a party should've been called for, but knowing me, I'm just not that kind of guy. And I guess that is good because it means that my parents trust me and that I'm somewhat mature, at least mature enough to be left alone for three weeks and move into a new apartment on my own. However, this living apart from my parents with a "place of my own" thing hasn't quite set in I don't think. I know that I miss my parents, even if I pretend that I don't or maybe forget.

And this having a place of my own and moving there on my own disturbs me in the sense that I am grown up, no more inmature stuff, not that I really did anything that bad in the first place. It means that I've grown more apart from my parents and family and must venture out. I guess its just another step. And though it would seem natural to be eager to be free of parental constraints, I know that I'm reluctant to take another step away from what I know into uncharted waters because during this three week trip, my mother said she would call me every day and I, at the airport, said "No no, thats not necessary." I was only half joking, with a very serious other half. And in fact, she has only called every 2-3 days for about 10 minutes per call. But how I know I'm not prepared to go forth is because I actually anticipate these calls and wished that she did call every day even though the 10 minute conversations consist of talking about how the watering of the household plants goes and what I ate for dinner, I still wish she would call more...

Things I Like #??: Clicking my Dr. Grip pen, the clicking mechanism on it is very clickable, I don't know how to explain it, I guess I just like to fidget a lot.

Kelly Clarkson - A Moment Like This

If I may, I'm going to quote from someone's website speaking about friends.

"I don't understand how some people have "friends" that they aren't interested in getting to know further. If you don't think he/she is someone who could be worth trying to become good friends with, why are you even "friends" with them? I call people like that acquaintances."

That comes from a rather lengthy discussion about how that person sees friendship. I must say that I know what they mean. The rest of their writings discuss how they see their friends and how they define it and stuff like that and while I'm not exactly all that big on defining friendships, I see where what they say applies to how I think about things. For amost of my life, I've watched some people get tons of "partners" and they would just hook up and break up and hook up and break up and so on, females and males alike, while I got, well... none. And I wouldn't think too hard about it because the worse I'd feel. Not to the point where it affected me, but it would just be like "oh, hey, they're cooler than me" or whatever. But now that I'm older and I can say things like "If I only knew what I know now, then." And other nostalgic things I realize more and more about myself. I used to think how the person I quoted thinks. I would think to myself, "Hey, whats the point of hooking up with someone if you're not going to get married? Isn't the point of getting into a relationship to find a 'life partner' and have children and yada yada?" Or whatever. But then I realized my mistake. They were just concerned with that last part of my thought, the baby-making part.

Of course that is a rather simplistic way of thinking of things. There are tons of other variables to consider, especially with people who don't fulfill their hormonal desires and instead have a non-sexual "partnership" which are the ones I find the weirdest. Why bother getting into a relationship? How many percentage of people are going to be like Cory and Topanga on Boy Meets World? Hook up in high school, freshman year (or earlier) and then get married? How many couples? Sure, there are a few, with the whole "high school sweethart" thing, but most people find life partners elsewhere.

Anyways, now that I'm older I can just say, people who got into relationships in high school (and earlier, I suppose) and didn't get any are people who are starved for affection and need people to tell them that they're pretty and can't have normal friends to do that for them, they have to have someone who is all theirs.. If you didn't get to hit it or didn't get married in the near future, then you wasted your time. Thats how I see it. But at this point, I don't really know what I was talking about before.

Things I Like #26: Being alone in the bathroom before taking a shower. And no, no for that. I get to listen to the radio, or sing, or pose in the mirror or take a dump and a lot of other fun things. And no, not that.

Dj Sammy & Yanou - Heaven (Piano Acoustic)

With today being September 11th I was wondering what I have to say or what there is that I can say. I was looking over my past posts from around the same time a year ago and I realized I didn't say much about September 11th and I now regret doing so because although it was only a year ago, I can't remember half of the things that I was thinking and I'm quite sad about that. But here's a short account of what I'll be telling my kids and grandkids (hopefully) when I'm old, married and happier.

I'm sleeping and my mom wakes me up. Its a Tuesday, like 7:00 AM. She says, "The World Trade Centers are gone!" I'm in a somewhat disorientated state because of the grogginess of being plucked out of my dreams as well as the awkwardness of that statement. My original thought was something along the lines of my mom trying to wake me up and telling me something odd like that because she was threatening me. Y'see, I had just gotten back from a New York City trip no more than 2 weeks ago and I had been talking about how much I'd enjoyed going there and I was wanting to go back so I assumed she was trying to tell me that if I didn't wake up that I wouldn't be allowed to goto New York City again. And of course, I can only hope against what has already passed that my mom's words were merely a small jest to get me out of bed.

Most of my morning and part of the afternoon were spent glued at the television. I constantly changed channels searching for the channel that had the most up to date information about the victims, the hijackers, word that the people in the two buildings and Pentagon had escaped unscathed and unharmed.

Recently, with 9-11 approaching and news programs doing features on "How America has Changed" and things of that nature, I've been wondering about how my life has changed. I can't say it has directly affected me but I think that I've at the least discovered a new feeling of patriotism that everyone else has too. It more or less no longer has a direct affect on my emotions as it did for the first month or so during which I was seriously reconsidering how life will change for me and how I should approach my own from then on. I'd like to think that it isn't that 9-11 doesn't have an affect on me any more, its that I've adopted it into all of my other experiences and it has been filed away, on an emotional level anyways, for future reference and is now a part of me. This is what I hope because that is the most positive that I can think of, for myself at least. For others? Well, I can only wish the best for all affected by the tragedy and that the year that has passed has meant better times for all involved.

Things I Like #26: America and what it stands for.

Corey Glover - Imagine

Holy crap, I just lost a very long post, this sucks ass. I guess I'll have to retype that whole thing, or the basic idea anyways. Damn.

Over the last week or so I've been fairly busy. I saw several movies, xXx which didn't have enough of what the title implied but was a fun movie nonetheless. Worth the price of admission, but not twice. I also saw Clint Eastwood's Blood Work with my father. The movie wasn't great, good acting, but the ending wasn't too big of a surprise. What made watching it worthwhile was spending the time with my dad. I guess that I'm getting to that age when I should make an effort to spend time with family or else I won't get to ever. Comes with the growing older I suppose.

The next day I was guilt-tripped into going to dinner with my parents and their friends from the East coast who've come to visit. My parents used the whole "We did this for you so you should sacrifice your time for us..." thing. The dinner itself wasn't bad, but now that I'm older I find that seeing my parents converse with friends makes me feel good too. I'm glad that they still are able to laugh and stuff. I know most people don't want to become their parents but I hope I'll at least be able to be where my parents when I'm their age. I don't want to be a senile old man living alone with all of my neighbors saying, "There goes that creepy old man." Heh. But at the rate my romantic life goes? Maybe I'll end up like that anyways.

I also watched Blue Crush and while it wasn't exactly a Baywatch boob fest I'd planned on, the lack of cleavage was made up for with the very exciting shots of surfing and moderately good story. But the story was a bit too tidy at the end and NFL quarterback was a bit unbelievable as well. But that aside, a good movie. After the movie I spent some time talking with some friends about how things have been going, more or less. I guess I'm at that age where I get to talk about where has my youth gone. Certainly not mid-life crisis stage yet, but at least half-way there. So I'm at like my quarterlife crisis. I keep hearing about people stressing over the upcoming decision about selecting a major and I, like many, have no idea what I want to do. There are those that seem to know exactly what they want out of life and how they're going to achieve it and me? Not even the slightest clue.

In elementary school I was assigned a project to do a presentation about what I wanted to do in the future for a job. I made this giant poster of an astronaut on the moon with the American flag and I did a little thing about being an astronaut. My parents and my teachers of course would say things like, "If you want to be an astronaut you should go find out about space, sounds like a fun job!" I can't remember what my classmates wanted to be or anything like that, so I don't have any basis for comparison in this matter, but what I do remember is that I didn't really even want to be an astronaut. Not that I didn't want to be an astronaut, its just that I really didn't know what I wanted to be at all. I merely picked astronaut because I thought it'd be a cool poster to draw (since we had to make a visual aid) and I thought it was a cool job. And thats how I am now. So I guess since I was a kid I've been very indecisive. How is it that people know what they want to be? How do some people know that they want to be an astronaut and others, like me, merely thing its a cool job but don't really want to be one, merely accept how it is? I'm not like Anne-Marie (Kate Bosworth) in Blue Crush where she wants to be a professional surfer. I could see how growing up in Hawaii would lead to that dream, but I didn't grow up in Hawaii or even in Cape Canaveral (for being an astronaut). I grew up in the suburbs of Southern California and I have no dreams of my own. But at least I'm not alone in sharing in the dreams of others.

Things I Like #25: Amelie. Yes, I know I'm not the first, and certainly not the last to discover that she'll "Change my life." I'm only listing this because somebody told me to rent it and I'm very happy to have watched it. Thanks.

Bob Dylan - Like a Rolling Stone

My Favorite Female Part Is: The Face: Sweet and angelic... except when she yells at me... Find out your favorite female body part!

My birfday is on Thursday, August 15th. Unfortunately I don't really have anything planned, just work. My mom asked me if I wanted to do anything and I just told her that I didn't really want to do anything because I don't know. I was never big on birthdays anyways. Of course getting stuff is always cool, but I figure, I can get stuff and money on days that aren't my birthday. I don't know.

Sarge, the doggy that I liked at the shelter, got adopted before I really got a chance to adopt him. Sigh. Its starting to look as though I'm not going to get a dog, not this summer anyways. Its almost the start of the school year, yes yes, 1 more month at least, but still, I kind of wanted to get aquainted with the dog and what not first. Oh well, maybe I'll adopt a kid instead. Maybe that'll be easier. ;)

Things I Like #24: Realizing how much more experienced I am now then I was before. Like when I look at myself in a situation now, I would think, "Hey, a year (or whatever) ago I wouldn't have made the right choice!" Of course nostalgia always plays a part of thinking back and then I get all emotional, but still, I'm experienced now! (In some things, not so much in others)

Jimmy Eat World - Hear You Me

I need therapy. Thats what I've concluded after countless nights listening to Dr. Drew and Adam Carolla on Love Line. Whenever people call in with even partially weird problems like plain ol' depression (and not my father is sleeping with my sister) I've found that they usually recommend some sort of therapy. Of course Dr. Drew has a bias somewhat being a doctor, but I'm sure he doesn't benefit from people going to other doctors he isn't associated with and he merely wants to help people out. At any rate, I think I should goto therapy because I want to know what in my past has caused me to be the way I am. I realize that there is still that debate about nature vs. nurture and maybe I was born lazy, but in my limited experience, it would seem to me that society and past experience affects people's development the most. At any rate, I often do self diagnosing and say things like "Oh, I have a slight intimacy problem because my family is Asian and they're not big on initimacy in public," or something like that but I want a psychologist to say "Good job, you're very correct." Or, "You're stupid, I wil fix you up good and stop making self diagnoses."

Then there is this other side of me that thinks, "No, therapy is expensive and a waste of my parents' money." And its that mindset which has allowed me to avoid ever talking to my parents about wanting something like therapy. Well that and I don't want my parents thinking that they somehow messed up on me and that would make them worry unnecessarily. Maybe in the future I'll be like Pierce Brosnan in Thomas Crown Affair where he has a psychologist that he sees to just talk about things. I'd love to have that. Sure, people will just say thats what friends are for, you talk with them. And I heartily agree with that view, and if anybody every needed to talk to me about something like that I'd certainly be more than willing to help, but I, like most people I know, aren't professionals. Theres got to be some reason these people went to college for 6, 7 years. So when it comes down to it, I'd still like the advice of a professional. You wouldn't buy a car without reading up some in Consumer Reports or Car & Driver, so why would you make life choices without consulting some professional. Yeah, I don't know what I'm talking about.

I was listening to National Public Radio on my way home for "work" and I heard a segment called "My So-Called Lungs" which was basically an audio diary of this girl, well woman I guess you'd call her since she's 21, but at any rate, if you're too lazy to read the link, which I'm guesing tons of people are (unfortunately not tons of people read my site) I'll do a quick summary. This girl has Cystic Fibrosis and well people with it generally only live to their mid-20's sometimes less. She's tried to live normally for her 21 years and that got me thinking about life. What does she do when she knows that she probably won't live to see 30? Does she just go crazy? I'm sure some days she must because it means that her work is probably futile. And her parents too. I don't know, just a mix of feelings about it. Anyways, I think that if you've got the time to read my site, you should maybe take the 20 minutes, or whatever it is, to listen to her diary. I think its very... thought-provoking and I'd think that at least some of the people who read my site, just because of the people I know, would find something like that interesting. And I'm pretty sure you'd know what kind of thoughts I'm thinking too.

I went back to see Sarge today and he didn't seem to like me. He was a mellow doggy, but the lady said that he probably didn't take to me because his past owner probably looked (or smelled) like me and was abusive. But she said that if I want to keep trying I should go back tomorrow and spend more time with him. I'm going to do that.

This I Like #23: Instant gratification.

Student Rick - South of Blackford

I recently viewed Signs and it wasn't half bad. I'll try to not give away any plot elements, but I found that the movie was one of those been there done that type of things where I only really want and/or need to see it once. It was definately good to see once, but after that? Eh. It was very much like Sixth Sense and Unbreakable in that they Shyamalan likes to make everything fit together nicely. Bleh. And there were some other pretty dumb things about it too, but I won't say them, if you want to know what I think, ask me. Shyamalan's says he wants to be like Steven Spielberg and have people goto see a "Shyamalan movie" as opposed to "Mel Gibson in a Shyamalan movie." Or thats what he said in Time or Newsweek, I'm not sure which. At any rate, I think that he does have that kind of drawing power, as evidenced by the $60 million weekend, but he isn't nearly as good as Spielberg at directing. I wouldn't mind watching Saving Private Ryan multiple times, in fact, I own the DVD, but Signs? Sixth Sense? I wouldn't have them in my DVD collection unless someone gave them to me for free.

Well, its Tuesday night and tomorrow I've still got work. The kids are pretty interesting. I've certainly gotten to know a lot more of them. Last post I was talking about how people develop and I've found that "working" with the little kids at the Chinese school has got me thinking about that again. I always wonder if I something (or anything) I do is affecting the kid's personalities. Most of the kids are ages 4-7, the older kids do their own things without much supervision. More likely than not I'm guessing that these kids have already developed permanent personalities and I'm just a Yield or Caution sign along their road of life. (How's that for metaphors!) I wonder if the kids will even remember me in a few years, I certainly can't remember anything from back when I was that age aside from a few slide show images, no true memories though. Eh.

I've found that I've taken a liking to certain kids moreso than others and I wonder if that makes me a bad person. I can't help it really. Some of the kids are just more annoying, or not as cute as the other kids. I've found that when a kid is cute I can tolerate more annoyance from them than from the... not so cute kids. Its disgusting, or so I thought. But then I was talking to some of the older people there who are my age and they agree with me about who is tolerable and cute and who is annoying and ... not so cute. This is a very disappointing aspect of this job (and myself) that I've found that I'm unable to be impartial to all the kids and that I tend to converse and spend more time drawing (or whatever activity doing) with the kids that I like... oh well. More on the children next time.

As far as the dog search goes. I was there Sunday and I saw a Chow mix named Sarge that was very nice looking. Unfortunately somebody took his card to either put him on hold or apply to have him so I wasn't able to take him out of his cage to take a looksie. Too bad really, but tomorrow I'm going to back to check him out and hopefully he's still there. He seems to be the dog that I want. He's got what's described as "red" hair, although I'd just say its brown, a really bright brown. His hair is long so I'm not sure if that'll work out for apartment life, but I'm sure I can figure something out. I was also wondering if I should rename the dog or just use the name that it was put into the shelter with. I'm assuming that somebody names all the strays (likely the volunteers) so it can't be wrong for me to rename it, can it? Not that I've found there's anything wrong with the given names or anything, I was just thinking about it and I sort of came to the conclusion that I'd keep the name the same.

Things I Like #22: When children want you to be their friends. I recently was "allowed" to be on the "Best Friends" list of one of the students at my "job." I saw her drawing something that she labelled "Best Friends" and when she asked me how to spell my name, I was quite happy about that.

Green Day - Waiting

Today I was watching ABC and after Drew Carey there was this show called "The Brain Game: What's Sex Got To Do With It?" And the whole program was about how people's brains develop and how biology affects the way people think and stuff. I thought it was pretty interesting. I don't really have any important thoughts about it except that they overemphasized how biology is the determining factor, when I think that culture plays a lot too. But thats just me and they're all credited scientists.

At any rate, its been a busy few days for me, surprisingly. I've been busy because I actually got employment, sort of. I'm working daycare/babysitting type thing at Chinese School. Its not too bad really. The kids are fun. I like them. Its weird, but I can see what type of people they will probably be in the future just based on how they act. I don't know why. I think its because I connect them to people that I know in real life. The kids are a bit annoying though at times because they always question me and stuff, and I'm more of their friend than anything, a very tall friend, but friend nonetheless. Anyways, I'll have more to say about the kids later on when I get to know them better.

Two days ago I went to a beach party at Huntington Beach. It was pretty fun. It was fun to get out. Just spending time out is fun of course. Building a human pyramid, that human knot thing and 5 minutes of "football" (if you could call it that) was fun.

Ugh, I seriously wanted to write something interesting again, but I wasted time looking at stuff online trying to multi-task. BLAH! Next time, always next time.

Things I Like #21: When people are nice. Yes, this seems very general, but what I mean is for example, on the freeway when you let people pass and they raise their hands just to say "thanks" or when you're walking on the street and people say "hi" or at least nod their head to acknowledge your presence. Maybe I'm just a sap.

Paulina Rubio - Lo Hare Por Ti

I HATE ANTS! Stupid ants, don't they have better places to look for food than my bathroom of all places!!? Jeez. Crazy mofos they are. BUt I've found that some windex sprayed from wherever they're entering from does the trick. They don't seem to like windex. Lucky me. Plus, my mom doesn't like that Raid stuff (or similar) because she says it might be harmful to people too. So windex it is. Damn ants. They caused me to not post anything of value tonight, so I'm going to take a shower after a trip to the beach today. If I feel up to it, I'll post more in a few minutes. F#@%'in ANTS!

Things I Like #20: Items that have dual-purposes not originally intended. Like the windex in stopping ants. Or heavy objects as paper weights. Or stuffed animals as pillows. I'm sure you can think of plenty more.

Crooked I f/ Sisqo - So Damn Hood This song r0x0rz!

Well I was sort of looking through online websites of job listings and I realized that all of the jobs in the entertainment industry that have anything to do with "interships" are just a way for the respective entertainment companies to get cheap labor, but instead of it being cheap, its free. Sure, they claim that by participating in this basically volunteer work that they will get "valuable, priceless" experience and while this may be true, to me, it seems like a bunch of bull. But I guess if I ever go out for something like that, I will change my tune and be like "What're you talking about!? This job provides me with unmeasureable amounts of experience." BLAH. Anyways, for some reason, tonight I have a renewed sense of urgency to find a job. I'm not sure why, its not as though anything has changed since last week except maybe the passing of time. Perhaps it is that passing of time which makes me feel that sense of urgency. But whatever it is, hopefully this week will be more productive than last, although now that I'm out of that "must find a job trance" of a just a few moments ago, I am feeling more realistic and thinking ahead, knowing that I probably won't find any job.

Lately I've realized that whenever I watch Dodgers games that I think in terms of sports headlines. Like if the Dodgers get a couple of runners of base but don't get them home and they do this a lot, I'll start thinking about how the newspapers will write it up, saying things like "The Dodgers had many chances to cash in big for a jackpot but like a losing $1 Lotto Scratcher ticket, you've always got 2 of the 3 needed to match up." Or some other stupid line. Those are rare instances when I can think up creative correlations between baseball and real-life, more often I'll just end up with headlines like this: "After a poor outing during the Padres last visit, and a poor start this time out, in the 5th inning, the Dodgers finally got to Brian Lawrence with Shawn Green taking him deep on a fastball that hung out over the plate." And often I'll think ahead. If the Dodgers are losing I'll think about how the next game's headline or whatever will have to do with the game that I am currently watching. I'm not sure if I should find this mental trend of mine disturbing in the sense that my mind wanders and that I'm overly optimistic or if I should find it encouraging in the sense that I have a future in newspaper writing, or headlines at least and that being positive is always good for mental health.

Whats even weirder is that I've started finding myself thinking about my own life in this way. Certainly my life won't be making any headlines in any newspaper but I find thinking things like: "Today I woke up at 11:00AM much like the last few days and after a string of disappointing days, I've finally broken out of my slump and had a memorable day." Or something like that. That isn't an exact quote and I sort of paraphrased my own mind's internal monologue, but whatever. Its just one of those cases of I'm thinking faster than I can talk, or type, in this case. In fact, it isn't really like a newspaper headline or article more like I'm just reasoning with myself, I'm not quite sure I know how to explain it yet. Another examplantion of it would be like I'm thinking about my life in terms of a movie of my own life. Thats certainly a better description. I'll think about how I would write a certain event (or lackof) into a movie of my life and how it would be portrayed. But unlike the baseball situation in which I'm unsure as to how to feel about it, good or bad, I'm pretty secure that this screenwriting of my life by my mind's internal monologue is negatively affecting me. Why you ask? (Or at least feign interest and meekly mutter "Why do you think this?) Well, heres how I figure it. The only reason that I would need to do this for my life is because there is just so much nothing going on in my life that in order to fill my boredom I must create my own movie. Or maybe I'll become some sort of movie director some day. But more likely than not its the first idea.

Things I Like #19: Bonus items. Allow me to explain what I mean by this. When you go buy cereal, usually people already know which they want to buy right? Or at least its between a few choices. Well, I usually eat Corn Flakes, Special K, sometimes I like Shredded Wheat, Bite-Size, not those giant blocks of shredded wheat. I usually like those because thats what I was raised on and its more of a aquired taste than anything I guess. At any rate, I'm going to buy one of those at the supermarket anyways, so when there is some sort of promotional item in the box, like a free phone card, or maybe some other manner of freebie, that just makes my day. Its like an extra surprise that you don't expect but are always glad to get. Thats what I mean by bonus items, for a lack of a better description. Hope that makes sense, it does to me.

Eminem - My Dad's Gone Crazy

Got my license, finally, and I'm not quite sure how I feel about it. Heh. I did only have six errors and the testing lady actually told me that I drove too slow! She said something to the effect of "Its a nice day for driving, no reason to drive under the speed limit." Well duh, but since you're in the car, I don't think I'll be trying too hard to keep even near the limit. Crazy lady. But she was nice. At any rate, all day today I was feeling very bored. But not just the bored where you sit around and do nothing, more like a combination of useless and bored. Hopefully I won't feel that way again any time soon.

Things I Like #18: The "Last Channel" button on television remotes, very useful.

The Temptations - My Girl

Whoa, I just realized how fast time has passed. I was over at Yahoo! Fantasy Sports and I was signing up for Fantasy Football and I when I was registering for a live draft date I noticed that in a week its going to be July 25 and in 2 more weeks its going to be August. Jeez. Time passes fast. This means that I've been home for 1 month now. And in another month I'll be 19 years old. Or perhaps, 19 years young. Glass half full, glass half empty blah. Time passes much too fast. Heh, another one of those moments when I realize that life is precious, or however that goes. *Sigh*

I still have no dog. I'm waiting for a perfect one, or at least a very good one. I mean I'd love to adopt just any dog, but i figure if the dog will be with me for the next 10 years (hopefully) then I should try to be compatible with it.

Speaking of time passing quickly. My summer is probably one of the most wasteful time that I can have. No class any more or anything. No job. Nada. Zilch. Zero. Sure, I'm reading, but thats hardly an excuse for an unproductive summer. If anybody knows of any charitable organizations that would like my volunteer services, let me know. I'm down to volunteering. I realize that theres nothing wrong with volunteering, but I started with such high expectations of myself. Oh well, I guess thats what I get for aiming high with no serious action besides last ditch efforts, oh well.

My mom, and dad a few times, has been suggesting to me that I go somewhere, as in travel, before the summer is out to make it productive. They keep telling me that these are great times to travel and stuff. I was thinking about going to Washington DC because I read in the LA Times about this new museum thats opening called the International Spy Museum and it seems really cool. It opens this Friday, so I would love to check that out. And of course theres other tourist attractions like The White House so that'd be cool to check out. But my parents tell me that its too hot to goto in August, but I wouldn't really mind all that much. I mean NYC heat didn't kill me last summer. So if anybody wants to go with me to DC!!! Huh? Yeah? No, seriously, I'd really like to go with somebody. Heh, probably not, eh? My mom also suggests I go to Japan and Taiwan to visit relatives and because Japan is an interesting country and stuff like that. And that brings me to another point I have.

I feel bad about spending my parents' money now. I'm not sure why though. I used to readily accept their cash offers and use them without consequence, but now, whenever they offer me money, I feel really bad about taking it and often don't. I guess thats me getting more responsible and getting OLDER (none of that 19 years "young" bullcrappy). But its kind of more than that, but I'll have to think through that later I guess. Sleep calls me.

Things I Like #17: Chocolate Milk. Not to say that I don't like regular ol' milk too, because you need that stuff for MMM MMM Cereal, cookie dipping and other great things, but I also happen to love chocolate milk too.

The Beatles - Let It Be

That was pretty amazing. My grandma was talking about how hot it was going to be tonight and I heard the pitter-patter of raindrops outside my window. Okay, so that isn't amazing but I think its pretty cool. And I do like the rain. But its stopped now anyways.

No longer will I be going to Cerritos College because of circumstances beyond my control. The class had too many people and the teacher wasn't very accomodating so I didn't feel sticking around hoping for somebody to drop out was the right choice since my spot was neither guaranteed, nor was paying $60+ for materials my idea of money well spent. So instead, I think I'll go find myself a nice volunteer job somewhere so my time will be put to good use since nobody wants to hire me for a paying job as it is and I'm not poor or desperate enough to work fast food neither. Somebody's gotta want my volunteer skills, right?..... right?

Hey! It started to drizzle now and a nice breeze is blowing! Sweetness!

This morning when I woke up, the sun was out, and it was rather nice. I got up and was on my way to school to check out the art class one last time but on my way there I decided otherwise. I instead made a stop at Barnes & Noble instead. In a further effort to make productive use of my summertime, I've decided to take up serious reading. After browsing the bookstore for nearly 3 hours and reading magazines most of the time, I decided to pick up a book to read. Thats something that I sort of like. A lot of people like to check out books from the library and what not, but not me, I like owning the books I read (besides schoolbooks) because I guess I like to show off and say "Hey look at me, I've read all these books, woohoo for me!" Something along those lines. Anyhoo, I picked up The Shipping News by Annie Proulx. I didn't really know anything about this book, but it was made into a movie with Kevin Spacey and he's always cool, and the book won the Pulitzer, so it can't be all that bad. I started to read it on my way home on the bus and the story isn't exactly enthralling like some murder mystery or what not, but the style of writing is most interesting, to me anyways. I can definately forsee this book helping me, as far as using adjectives, similies and metaphors goes anyways.

The rain has stopped again.

Things I Like #16: Subscribing to the idea that my "Magic 8 Ball" (which is actually a "76" ball from Unical 76 gas station) has some sort of bearing on my future.

Headboard - See You Around

Ugh. Tomorrow, well technically today, I've got to wake up early for Cerritos College classes. Well, actually, just one class, and its only art, Freehand Drawing, but still! I must sleep and wake up early! No more sleeping at three, four AM now. Sigh, oh well. Its only for 8 weeks anyways, it can't be that bad. After re-reading my last post, I realized what I've been neglecting to write. So here are some things about what I've been doing/thinking/whatever.

The last two weeks, I've been trying to adopt a dog. I've been going to SPCALA in Long Beach (next to El Dorado Park) and looking at the dogs that are available for adoption. I've been there 5 times now. The first two times I was there, I saw one dog that was the best dog! Basically what happens there is they're all in their own cages (although I hesistate to use that word because they aren't like small cages that are dirty, in fact, this place was very well kept and the pets all have water, food and everything. I can't say they're absolutely happy, but they certainly could be worse off) and what happens is you go around to the different cages to look and if you want to see a dog closer, they take them outside into these big open, fenced areas and you can play with him/her for a while. Anyways, the best dog I've seen there was this one Husky. I can't say I remember its name, but it was black and white, more black than white and his eyes were different colors! I know, it might sound a bit weird, but it was really interesting. And my mom, who has to pass judgement on every dog, usually just saying "He looks dumb" or "He looks jittery" said he was very smart, so even my mother agreed. At any rate, this Husky was too big and alas, I was unable to adopt him. But on the upside, the next time I went there, he was already adopted and hopefully he went to a good home. As far as other dogs go, theres a giant Chow whose name is "Bear" and well, he's big, quiet and I like him lots too. Too bad my apartment in the fall will only allow small dogs and common sense would dictate that a dog living in an apartment shouldn't have long hair unless i like vacuuming, which I certainly don't.

In other news, I haven't done much else this summer. Saw Men In Black II and it wasn't as good as the first. It was good however. Not much else to say about that.

Lately, with my odd sleeping habits, I've been finding it harder and harder to fall asleep. Once, about two weeks ago, I was going to go out the next day around 11AM and I figured, okay, I'll goto sleep earlier. I got into bed around 4:00AM (this isn't particularly early, but it was good enough at the time, so I thought) and i couldn't fall asleep and at 4:30AM I got up to watch a World Cup match, US beating Mexico, and then at 6:30, I went back to sleep, or bed rather, but then I just lied there. I watched the sky outside my window get brighter and brighter until the sun was shining at around 7:00 and I still wasn't asleep. I'm not sure what time I fell asleep, but it was before 8:00AM. I don't know why I've been having these problems. In college I could fall asleep within 5 mintues of hitting the pillow, more or less, but at home, I guess I'm just not exhausted enough to stop thinking and just fall asleep because often I'll just lie in bed thinking "I'm never going to fall asleep, when am I going to fall asleep, if I keep thinking about falling asleep, I'll never fall asleep." But I'm sure in the future I'll wish I only had to deal with odd sleep patterns rather than whatever is in store for me so I guess I should cherish this sleeplessness while I still can. Ha.

Jeez, I really need that notepad I've been talking about getting, but I just haven't been able to find one that I've been pleased or consistent with. I just don't have the mindset to write down everything, although I wish I could. Maybe if I just had better memory. Oh well, since school is starting, I'll carry my backpack with me everywhere so I'll have paper in there. Perhaps then, I will have more to write.

Things I Like #15: Filesharing. Sure, people say it promotes piracy, blah blah. If it weren't for filesharing, I wouldn't have heard of a lot of bands that I love now and I wouldn't support them! So in conclusion, I like filesharing, MP3's for everyone!

Lenny Kravitz - Stillness of Heart

Okay, well that last test was rather weird since I assume that it was only for girls and I was limited in answering the questions that asked stuff like "What do you wear" and one of the answers was like "tube-top" but I figured, I like pop music, I may as well find out. And I like Michelle Branch so I'm pretty happy about that.

On a side note, those other stupid quizzes have lost their images so I decided to remove them from the history, oh well, not like I'd remember them anyways. But from now on I'm just going to write down what I got, post the images too, but still post images too, not that thats all that important.

I saw Lilo & Stitch. It was good. Emotionally moving and all that stuff. I must say, it wasn't bad, better than Tarzan methinks and better than The Little Mermaid. But not better than Aladdin and Beauty & the Beast. The alien stuff seemed a bit drawn out for me, but still good. I also saw Minority Report. That one was pretty good. It was more or less a whodunit story than anything with a fancy twist. It could've been a bit better but the CGI stuff was good and it was worth the price of admission. In fact, both of these were well worth it.

I would also like to say this: THE DODGERS ARE IN FIRST PLACE! Damn straight! Sure, they lost 7-0 last night but whatever, they're still in first. The Diamondbacks and Randy Johnson can just suck it. Barry Bonds? You can suck it too. That is all.

This summer has been mostly uneventful for me, although without a doubt in 5 years I'll be thinking back saying "Gee, I wish i could go back to summer after freshman year." Bleh. I've found that when most people think back on their memories they are always good. Is it because they're delusional and only remember it that way? I know, people have bad memories too, but their good ones are often overinflated and their bad aren't nearly as bad as they seemed when they were happening. Or is that just me?

And I have to go now, but I'll post more later, I seemed to remember I had more to say but I guess not. :T

Things I Like #14: Winamp 2.65. Old versions of Winamp are way better beacuse those new versions all have that ID2 or whatever that sucks. Good ol' Winamp 2.65 kicks butt for me still.

Goo Goo Dolls - Big Machine

You’re Michelle Branch! You’re the ‘girl nextdoor’ type of gal. You’ve got a down-to-earth feel about you, and you’re not afraid to be original. You’re still trying to find yourplace in life, but that doesn’t mean you’re not enjoying the trip. Rich and famous? Sure! But you’re not gonna let that go to your head. ;D

What Kind of Pop Princess Are You? Quiz by Jonah

Okay, well I figured I'd post something since its been nearly a month since I last posted something. Bleh. I haven't really had anything to say, and laziness helps too. So what has happened of late? Well, I moved out of college on Thursday. That was uneventful. Although those people were kind of stupid. Because they do these room check things in which they examine to make sure I did no damage to the room and blah blah this blah blah that, we had this sticky stuff on the wall, not our fault, and we were forced to rearrange the room so our cabinet would be in front of the wall blemish before the stupid RA would let us leave. What a waste of time.

Strangely enough, on those two "tests" below, I got the same "score" as the person whom I got the tests from. Oddly coincidental? Or maybe theres something there... Or maybe people who make those tests just need more results and I'm just trying to stir up controversy with my readers whom I've all but alienated because of my infrequency in posting.

Good job to the Lakers, although I was sort of cheering for the Kings in the Conference Finals. I'm only really a Clipper fan anyways and God and whatever team God plays for, in this decade, the Washington Wizards. So I just cheer for players I like and enjoy the sport. In the Kings case? Well, I don't like Floppy Divac but I do like Doug Christie and Bobby Jackson. Also, I, and many others, agree that Chris Webber sucks big dicks and he needds to step it up be willing to take those shots on the perimeter and stop trying to use post moves because he doesn't have any except that lousy, inconsistent hookshot. As far as the Nets go? I don't like Jason Kidd, Kenyon Martin can only dunk, Keith Van Horn isn't all that great either, just another Wally Szczerbiak. He can shoot... and... yeah, he's big, so he grabs a few rebounds here and there. Also, nobody can stop Shaq anyways. He has finesse shots too, that baby hook bank shot and shooting 70% free throws? HA! Next thing you know he'll have that Chris Webber ranged shot and he'll be truly unstoppable.

Okay, enough basketball. I saw The Bourne Identity and it was quite entertaining. The actress, Franka Potente, isn't all that hot, but whatever, she does a good job. Matt Damon isn't half bad either, I like him and Ben Affleck, they're both pretty young and hip. Anyways, I have to go relieve myself in the bathroom now and sleep, but expect more posts later about more irrelevant stuff. Now that I'm home, I've got time on my hands to do nothing.

Things I Like #13: Comic books.

Usher f/ iMX - You Are The One

which Episode II character are you?



Probably the greatest Jedi Knight of all. Like Obi Wan, you are wise and keep your feet on the ground at all times. You will not be outsmarted by anyone. You are always faithful to your friends. Be careful though, danger lurks around every corner - you could even be betrayed by those closest to you.

I registered for class yesterday for the Fall quarter and I ended up with two Chinese classes, Chinese Cinema, which I hope is just a bunch of cool Jet Li movies, and a Chinese ethnic studies class. Well, the ethnic studies is actually an Asian American one, but whatever. I'm not sure why, but I was very apprehensive about taking 2 Asian classes, in addition to the one I'm already taking this quarter. I've never been one to embrace my Asianess and by taking these 2, I somehow feel that I'm becoming something I've feared becoming for some odd reason. Its not like I'm super afraid of being Asian or ashamed because I'm not, but rather, I somehow feel that I'm becoming less American. I know, it sounds stupid, but thats how it is.

In other news, I'm back home for Memorial Day weekend and I figured job hunting is in order, so I've got a few applications ready to turn in. I sort of regret buying a GameCube now. Not that I don't play it a lot and I do want to keep it, but I also want an XBox now. Damn Microsoft for making cool games like Knights of the Old Republic XBox only. But luckily, in going to that link, I noticed that the game is also coming out on PC, so screw that, maybe I don't really want an XBox because a game like that should be on PC anyways. As far as summer gaming goes, last summer I wasted it playing a Dungeons & Dragons game, Baldur's Gate 2 and I'll likely be doing the same this summer. Neverwinter Nights is coming out and it looks like I'll be wasting countless hours doing that. I know, some people will be asking, "Hey, what about Warcraft 3? Thats the game that everyone will be playing." If Blizzard's name is attached, it turns to gold right? Well, I'm not that into it after playing the beta. Sure, I've played it a lot, but when Neverwinter Nights comes out, Warcraft 3 can sit on the back burner while I whip out my dice rolling action (metaphorically speaking of course since the die rolls are all computerized).

Things I Like #13: Free refills.

Eminem - Without Me

A few posts earlier I said that Spider Man was a kick ass movie. And using a similar chart, Star Wars: Episode II was like 10 times as good. No, make that 100 times as good. Certainly it benefits you to see it at 12:01AM with other rabid fans, but this is certainly a must-see movie if you know anything about Star Wars. I don't know what else to say, but SEE THIS MOVIE!

Star Wars: Episode II tonight! w00t! Yoda with a lightsaber? Natalie Portman? Does it get any better? I think not!

Things I Like #12: Star Wars.

John Williams - Duel of the Fates

Nobody reads this really, I know, but its okay because at this point, even after only a year of having a journal thing, I'm pretty glad I kept it because when I'm really bored, I can read it and feel happy for myself, or sad, whichever. And I guess thats the whole idea of keeping the journal, to remember times past, good and bad.

I was reading someone else's journal before this and I really wished I were better with words. Its not something I really feel I want or need to work at, although it'd be nice, just one of those "I want a pony..." or when you're in a supermarket and you see the candy in the aisle and you suddenly want it type thing. I merely wish that I could have a better command of the English language and put together fancy sentences like: "interesting.. it a muddle of thoughts and lost within my realm. but it's ok .. cuz it's my realm.. an area of familiarity." I don't know if the person wrote that or if its some song lyric, but its pretty... I guess I'd call it well-written. Or maybe I just need a better command of my own feelings. Probably both.

Speaking of commanding my own feelings, I really wish I could remember everything I think. I'm going to try to get a notebook of some sort. I seem to remember having several good insights about random things that I cannot remember now. Perhaps with this notebook in hand, I'll be able to write posts with some substance.

Things I Like: #11 The smell of new shoes. That leather blended with shoe cleaner scent gets to me. I don't know what new women's shoes smell like, but new Nike's? Mmmmm Hmmmm!

Coldplay - Spies

Which Royalty Are You? Find out! By Nishi.


You identify strongly with fantasy and royalty and are a deep and intelligent person. Idealistic and romantic, you tend to live in your own world, apart from the harsh realities of life & strive for the ideals and values that the once great royal hierarchy established.

How much of a freak are you?

If you haven't seen Spider-Man then you've been deprived. This movie doesn't disappoint at all! I don't know what else I can say, its a great movie. Boobilicious too! Kirsten Dunst is quite cute in the movie, and a very hot red head at that. Its also a good movie because it beat down that lousy, waste of my time, Harry Potter in the box office records too.

So this weekend I did no homework again, or very little, just a bit of the 150 pages of reading I should've been doing. Oh well, I still have tomorrow. Procrastinating till the last moment, thats me! (And most college students.) I don't really have much else to say. Maybe I'll think of something for tomorrow if something interesting happens to me. I've got to do my laundry tomorrow so I'll be spending some time alone... Okay, well not "alone" but not with anybody else in my company and whenever that happens to me (the being alone thing) I always think up weird shit. So maybe I'll think up some weird shit.

Oh, and I just saw this in someone's profile. Women, take a hint.

Things I Like: #10 Waking up early. And when I say this I mean waking up thinking its time to wake up and looking at the clock and seeing that I still have 2 more hours to sleep. That sort of "epiphany" is really cool. Haven't had one in a while.

LeeAnn Womack - I Hope You Dance

Well, its really late and my sleep schedule will need some readjusting, but its been pretty good lately. I've been getting a consistent 7-9 hours of sleep per night, except today, but I'll fix it tomorrow anyways. At any rate, I thought I'd write about a dream I had last night. I dreamt I went to New York City and I went to Rockefeller Center and went into some small shop. The shop was sort of dark and I purchased a post card there. There were some other details, but like most dreams, I've lost them to the depths of my brain. So this just tells me that I must go back to New York City. I know, I don't really follow other dreams, hell, I don't even remember them, but this one was actually pleasant. And strangely enough, when I woke up around 9:30 and went back to sleep, the dream continued itself! Lucky me! Too bad there wasn't a hot girl involved, but I'll live. Maybe I've got more to write later.

Things I Like: #9 Dressing up fancy-like, tuxedo-ish and running around in loafers. I like that clicky sound.

Sugarcult - Stuck in America

Is it just me or is everybody really depressed now a days? Like everywhere I turn I see these "What is life about?" and "What am I doing here?" type questions being posed. Well okay, its only like 5 people, but I'm sure there are more than those five that are thinking like this, just that I don't really know about it... Anyways, I sort of went through that too and it still comes back and all, but it isn't such a big issue for me any more. I figure that most people, that I know, are getting it lately because of college and realizing that they need to choose a career and why, shit like that. And probably for freshmen especially since they are just getting to college and having to deal with being independent and having a lot of time on my hands. I, on the other hand, already went through that since I had a lot of time on my hands (due to not studying and assorted other things) in high school too, so I figure I'm ahead of the game, in that respect anyways.

Unfortunately, I don't have any advice for these people. Nothing worthwhile at any rate, and that is what bothers me. I know that most of these people are pretty 'okay' but I really wish I were able to tell them something at least. It really sucks to have to stand by and watch these people, mostly my friends, go through something like that. Especially for those who are not "okay" as opposed to those who are simply pondering the question. And of course, I sincerely hope these people find answers to their troubles, or heaven-forbid, I'll have to step in sometime and lay down a barrage of my endless ramblings. Heh.

As of late, I've been having a runny nose, but with no other symptoms of a cold, I think I'm picking up some of the less positive parts of my family's gene pool. My dad gets allergies, hay fever, I believe, and I think thats what I've got since I sneeze a bunch too. Not cool. I'll bet I'll have that poofy eye feeling too... in geek talk, this sux0rz!

In procrastinating and not writing my English essay, I've decided to talk some more about stuff that I've been doing, and in order to fulfill my "Craaaaaazy Mind" quota, I figured I'd tell about my "Craaaaaazy" antics. And really, they're not all that crazy, not in the "Dumb & Dumber" crazy sense where its so ludicrous its funny, more like the, "oh my goodness he's bordering on mental instability" type of crazy. Once again, not cool, I know. So probably a week ago, around this time, I was not sleeping and browsing the internet. My roommate was asleep so being the cool roommate that I am, I turned off all the lights and used my headphones so as to not disturb him. I'm such a nice guy (even though I'm unpolitely blunt at times, but thats a totally other "Craaaaaazy" thing about me I won't talk any more about here). At any rate, I began to watch the movie Serendipity again. For some reason, night time makes me want to watch these kind of movies. Or maybe its the being alone that makes me want to watch them, as opposed to the night time and it just so happens that night time is when I'm alone the most amount of times. But I'm digressing. If you know this movie at all, you'll know that the two characters meet during the Christmas season in a Bloomingdale's while both picking up the same pair of cashmere black gloves at the same time. And for some obscene reason, after watching select scenes from that movie, I decided I had to have my own pair of these black cashmere gloves.

I searched around the internet, in the dark room, at 4:00AM at night and finally found similar ones at Bluefly.com. And for an even "Craaaaaazier" reason, I purchased these gloves using my already bloated credit card ($400+ for that month) and bought these cashmere gloves for $20.00. Luckily for me, before the package arrived a few days earlier, I realized that I was crazy and I reasoned my way out of buying them. Okay, well I still have them, but I now have a valid reason for buying them. Looking at my calendar, I was fortunately reminded that Mother's Day was coming up, so thats what the gloves are for... Mother's Day. Yeah.

In buying these gloves, I find that I'm a complete loser. Yeah yeah, rag on me all you want about me saying that, but I am totally a loser for buying them. Somehow I lead myself to believe that by purchasing these gloves, I'll by some means be able to be a part of the magic of the movie, or maybe even have some girl, not too far removed from Kate Beckinsale be destined to find me. Its just like when children want action figures of their favorite movie in order to be a part of that movie. So yeah, I'm not only a loser, I'm a childish loser. Ah well. Silver lining in everything, at least I'm still in touch with my youth.

Things I Like: #8 Getting phone calls.

Nonpoint - What a Day

Green Day ROCKED! Too bad Blink wasn't too hot. And I missed Jimmy Eat World so that was rather blah. But I'll be sure to make it to the next Jimmy concert, whenever that may be. Blink was all off key in their singing and the only redeeming quality about their set is that they played "Dammit" at the end... which is pretty much all I wanted to hear from them anyways. And they didn't even sing another song into it in the middle of the song (a la the KROQ Almost Acoustic CD version of the song), which really really sucked. Green Day was just cool. They made a band there by pulling members of the audience and letting them play and they had a drummer too, a rather chunky guy, but he got kicked out cuz he sucked at playing drums, heh. And they finished with "Good Riddance (Time of Your Life)" which was really cool. All in all, good money spent and a good time was had by all.

I really had a lot to write, but I can't really remember it any more. Maybe that article about sleep was right. When you don't sleep, you lose focus etc. etc. Heh.

Things I Like: #7 When its kind of cold, during the fall especially, and the sun comes out of the clouds and I feel the warmth on my face.

Timbaland & Magoo - All Y'all

Fans in Los Angeles are unbelievable. The faithless letters published in last Saturday's Times about the Dodgers' early-season woes were, no doubt, written by the same finicky bandwagon sports "enthusiasts" (not fans) who call for Steve Lavin's firing every year and can be seen leaving basketball games in the middle of the fourth quarter, leaving baseball games in the seventh inning and who complain when the local teams don't win a championship every year. They are the same people who most likely could be found cheering this past weekend in the series against the Rockies, screaming, "We did it!"

Please. Either have faith in your team or find yourself a new one, but stop complaining when the Bruins don't go 32-0 or the Dodgers fail to finish 162-0.

-Mike Sandler, Los Angeles Times

Word.

Because of not sleeping last night and this morning and not going to sleep until this afternoon, I am no wide awake at 3 AM. After watching Good Will Hunting this morning (see previous post), I decided to watch a movie I've wanted to watch for a while and finally found available for download... er... I mean purchase at a respectable retailer for the suggested retail price. Anyways so I "aquired" Serendipity and watched it just now. The movie, set in New York City, is a predictable story about a couple, Kate Beckinsale and John Cusack who meet in New York City, spend a few perfect hours together and let their future relations depend on destiny, or fate, or what have you. This movie turns out like any other romantic comedy and through a series of wild-goose chases and crazy antics, they end up together because fate has brought them together, a "fortunate accident" as the movie would imply.

But people, myself included, don't go to a movie like this for the ending, its the journey to the ending that we want to watch. This movie is for all those hopeless romantic types who are in love with the feeling of being in love, as opposed to actually loving somebody, if that makes any sense at all. And since I talked about what Good Will Hunting made me feel, I thought a cheesy romantic comedy would lighten up my mood, and it did, for the most part. In the movie they speak of a favorite "New York moment" and I hope I can have those. I want something magical to happen in my life. If nothing remotely magical happens to me, then life may just be a "series of meaningless accidents or coincidences" as this movie strives to tell me it isn't. There are moments when I can just sit or stand in a place and "feel" the world around me when I'm alone, but those moments are few and far between and they can hardly be classified as "magical." Then there are those moments during which I'm with a group of friends and just having fun and I think to myself "these are the times that I want to remember when I'm old and living in a retired persons home in Florida so I can share with my old lady." Or something along those lines. But I haven't had a moment in my life where you get that feeling of something welling-up inside your chest, just above your stomach but below where one would normally put their hand "over their heart" to pledge alliegiance to a flag. The only times I've felt like that, in a happy setting is under the flicker of the light from a movie projector in a darkened theatre. The feeling that builds up there is sort of like a culmination of the butterflies from being nervous, the "hole" in your heart from being very sad and the "unable to breathe" because you're laughing too hard feeling, is the best way to describe it. I've never been able to articulate myself in the way I wish I could. I need a moment or a series of moments which I can look back upon and say "that was the greatest moment in my life" and think "it was pure magic."

Things I like: #6 The feeling of a warm blanket on my skin.

Jimmy Eat World - A Sunday

Well, this may seem as though I'm posting at such an early time in the morning because I've somehow re-adjusted my sleeping schedule to the schedule that normal people have. Well, no, I haven't, I haven't slept since yesterday when I woke up and I'm only starting to feel tired right now. Anyways, after a night of slacking off, I started to watch Good Will Hunting and they have reminded me of some not so happy things I've been thinking about. I wouldn't say they're depressing, but I'm sure they're not healthy really. I don't know if whomever reads this site, most likely nobody, who reads this have seen Good Will Hunting, but if you'll remember, there is the professor who "helps" Will Hunting out by making him go see Robin Williams, yada yada. At any rate, theres this scene in which Will brings a math proof to the professor who questions one of the answers or whatever you call it, I'm not much of a math person. And Will goes on to say something like "Trust me, I'm sure its right." And that professor is like "But but..." And then they have an argument about how the Will has the ability to do this proof because its "so simple" for him but the professor could barely comprehend it. And then the professor rambles on about how Will is throwing his talent away, blah blah, sleepless nights, etc. etc. But that isn't really relevant to what gets to me.

Somebody recently was discussing what their "greatest fear" was and their response was something like "being alone" and not a "oh no, I'm alone in my house and the Scream guy is going to get me" type thing but like a growing old alone type thing which I completely understand. And thats certainly a fear that I've got what my fear is sort of like the professor from Good Will Hunting. What if I'm not unique, or nobody is unique? What if there is somebody out there who can do everything I do, but one-up me? Certainly theres nobody exactly alike, so I'm not quite sure how I'd put this, but what if theres a person out there who is able to do everything i pride myself on doing, but better. Certainly there will be somebody better at everything, but it won't be the same person who is better, its an assortment of different people, like basketball. Everybody is better than me at that, and being whiny, what if somebody is better than me at that too!? Basically, what if there is somebody out there who is better at being me than I am at being me? I realize this sounds sort of crazy, but those are the feelings that I get when I see scenes like the scene in Good Will Hunting.

Anyways, enough of that. Go watch National Lampoon's Van Wilder. Its funny and there are hot women, including, but not limited to, Tara Reid and Ivana Bozilovic. They're really hot. And theres a funny Indian guy too, he's "pimpin" funny. Go watch it, you'll understand.

And more good news, the Dodgers are whooping ass again! They swept the Colorado Rockies. Ishii-mania baby!

Things I like: #5 The smell of money.

Wyclef Jean - We Trying to Stay Alive

This is disgusting. Barry Bonds has got four home runs in two games. Do you know what that means? He's on a pace to hit 324 home runs this season. And to further disgust me, his first four home runs have come against my beloved Dodgers. Oh, and the fact that I didn't bother to draft Barry Bonds for any of my fantasy leagues doesn't help either. At this point, the Dodgers are losing to the San Francisco Giants 12-0. Or as any San Fran person might say, "the Dodgers are losing hella bad." The Dodgers have three hits, at the start of the sixth. The Giants, fourteen. But its okay, us Dodger fans are still optimistic. Well I am anyways. And like Vin Scully said earlier in the fifth inning, "It could be worse."

*Sigh* "At the end of six, Giants 12, Dodgers zip!" says Vin Scully. Hopefully it won't get much worse before it gets better.

Anyways, I'm back at school now after a largely uneventful spring break. On my second day back to school, I was playing basketball and I stepped onto my friends foot and rolled my ankle, spraining it. So I went back, iced it, got an ankle brace and went to play later that nigt. Lo and behold, I did the exact same thing to the other ankle. Woo hoo. Luckily, the doctor tells me nothings broken and it should heal fine as long as I follow this handout they gave me.

Things I like: #4 The "hiss" sound that soda cans make when you open them.

Michael Jackson - Billie Jean

Went to Huntington Beach today for a "bonfire" which started out not very well organized and turned out pretty well. We started out not having food, firewood or anything to do there and we ended up with stolen firewood from the back of an Albertson's, some chips and 2-liter bottles of Cherry 7-Up and still nothing to do. But its okay, because we "enjoyed each others company" so to say. Better than staying home for sure.

I really ought to sleep earlier. When I stay up late at night, I end up doing things I regret. Almost always I regret what I do the night before. Good thing that most of the time that I stay up I'm at home and I can't do anything really embarassing or harmful. During spring break I've been making purchases on eBay. While my purchases are not outrageous and I'm not overbidding the value of the thing, I find that when I wake up in the morning I think to myself "I don't really need that..."

Things I Like: #3 The smell of rain.

Nelly f/ St. Lunatics - Batter Up

Second spring break post. Bleh.

I was going through some of my old stuff while "spring cleaning" seeing as how its "spring" break and all. And because I have nothing better to do. But lets just say I wanted to clean up and I wasn't doing so due to boredom. At any rate, I was reading some of the stuff I wrote, my journal's from earlier and other school work I did in my early high school years. It really seemed like I had a lot more fun then, and reading through my journal I can almost pinpoint where my life began to spin out of control to where it is now. Not the crappy grades and lazy attitude I mean, but my mental health. And not really "out of control" because I'm still in some control, but I know when I became what I am now. But I don't want to talk about that here anyways, a bit too personal.

In reading through my old stuff, I came across some letters and stuff too that I exchanged with people back then, a few years ago. It would seem that I had more (and better) friends overall back then. I mean I've got friends now, but I guess I was more social back then. Now, not so much. College hasn't been the paradise I expected. My grades aren't horrible because school is pretty easy, so thats cool (I got a 3.36 Winter Quarter) but what Animal House and all those television shows and movies about college have told me about what college will be like. Sure, its only been a few months in freshman year, but it just hasn't been cool. But thats probably just me. As far as the friends thing goes, I keep thinking that the good friends that I did try to keep aren't really all that great. Not that the people themselves aren't good people, they are, but its just that I'm no longer good friends with them and the people who I'm no longer really trying to be friends with any more are the people who I should've tried to be good friends with in the first place. Or maybe I'm just bitter... yeah, its probably that.

Things I like: #2 When you wake up in the morning (or any time) and you get out of bed and you stretch out and like half of your joints/bones crack, that feels really really good

Sam Cooke - Wonderful World Its the Animal House song that goes "Don't know much about history, don't know much biology..." etc.

Time to update again! w00t!

Its spring break for me and most UC students and so far all I've done is stay at home. I did go watch Resident Evil. It was pretty good actually, considering all I wanted to see was some zombie ass-whooping and a hot girl doing it, I was very pleased. Good action, some good suspense/terror and all around a good waste of 2 hours of my life. I suppose I'll be doing mostly the same things that everybody is doing this spring break, going job hunting and fooling around due to a lack of schoolwork, lucky us.

At the end of the school year after finals, my hall at UCR decided to take a trip to Las Vegas on a whim. It turned out that we did nothing at all there. We spent the night in this shitty hotel called Tam O'Shanter. It cost me almost $60 smakeroos but at least it was on the strip (across from Treasure Island). When we arrived in Vegas in the afternoon, we walked the strip to find a "cheap" buffet, but as most people know there are no "cheap" buffets, not under $10 bucks anyways. Its not as though its not worth paying $11.95 for shrimp and steak, especially at Bellagio or some other fancy hotel. At any rate, we ended up eating Panda Express, which while very tasty, wasn't what I expected from Las Vegas. Then we went to sleep, woke up around 11:00pm, did nothing while getting the car which we parked on another part of the strip and went back to the hotel. Since nobody seemed to want to even walk around, I took a walk around 2:30am and played some arcade, chatted up with some security guards and explored some hotels on my own. Let me tell you now, Las Vegas is quite unlike New York City. It is not the city that never sleeps. By 3:30 the only people out on the streets and in the casinos numbered less than 300 people. The number on the streets, not including taxis and cars could fit into my dormroom. So a boring night ensued, needless to say. We then returned from Vegas, making a stop at the Calico Ghost Town and Barstow. All in all, I'd have to say that this road trip, while more entertaning than a night at the dorms, considering all the money spent and the fun factor of both, I'd take a night at the dorms over this.

This road trip experience has merely cheapened Las Vegas for me. Sure, Las Vegas isn't really cool unless you're 21, but still, the fact that I just picked up and went to Vegas, did nothing and came back just cheapened the idea of going to Las Vegas. Before this, Las Vegas was something you planned for. And not planning for it, while it seems interesting and spontaneous, resulted in getting a crappy hotel... no, motel room that only had basic channels (plus ESPN and CNN) and no remote control. The next time I goto Vegas I want to have stuff to do, or maybe go with people who are willing to just browse and hang out with the people you are there with, rather than re-enact a night at the dormitories in Las Vegas by sleeping and not doing anything. And the next time I go on a road trip, I expect people to have their money and for the road trip to have a focused point, even if its as stupid as "I want to see what the Grand Canyon looks like." I'll have more articulated thoughts about this later, probably.

Oh, and in addtion to my listing the MP3 that I'm listening to, I will now list something that I like about life, in an effort to lighten up my life, after every post (so hopefully I'll have lots of posts).

#1 The feeling of hot plates at a buffet line. Not just warm, like when they are almost hot enough to burn you, and you pick them up, they feel good. Unless you're using the plate for salad, then that sucks.

American Hi-Fi - Another Perfect Day

What is your meaning of life?

Gee, now that its been my longest drought since my last update, I guess I'll start updating again.

The Good:
- English class was cancelled today! Apparently my teacher was sick. This is good for me because I didn't write a rough draft that I had all weekend to write. And also! I get to register for classes pretty early, compared to most of the freshmen that I know, this Thursday in fact.
- I went to Six Flags Magic Mountain on Saturday. It was very fun. Goliath was kickass as usual. Colussus, a classic too. I could've rode that one all night. Up and down... up and down... up and down... ahem. The other rides were cool too. Too bad Deja Vu was closed. I've also found that the Roasted Corn that they sell there for $3.50 a pop is the best food in the park. Its in "Gotham City" if you're interested.
- I'm gonna go to the Pop Disaster Tour and get to see Green Day, Blink 182 and last but not least, Jimmy Eat World. And sure, some people say that Blink is a sell-out. Yada yada, they're still cool. And the more teeny-bopppers that like them? All the better for me, since most of them look like this anyways.

The Bad.
- Apparently I'm not immune enough to Hepatitis B enough to register for the spring quarter of classes.
- The other new ride at Magic Mountain, "X" was really good, but I don't know if it was worth the wait. If the wait were maybe an hour shorter, then hands-down, that would be the best ride at the park, however, its flippy turning, lie on your back and face the ground drops weren't quite worth its push and shove, stand in-line without moving for 15 minutes at a time, freezing my ass off temperatures 2 and 1/2 hour wait for the ride.
- TicketMaster is going to make me bend over and take it up the ass in surcharges for those Pop Disaster Tour tickets.

The Ugly
- In fact, I'm too immunized for Hepatitis B. I'm halfway through my second set of immunizations for Hepatitis B. The hospital lost my records of the first immunization so I started getting it again, not sure what that means for my health, being overly immunized and all, I mean isn't an immunization an injection of a weak version of the virus, so my white blood cells can get the antibodies? But now I've got too much? Oh well.
- My lips are chapped on account of the shivering bottom lip cold temperatures at Six Flags.
- In addition to the ass raping from ticketmaster that I'm receiving. I have no money in my bank account. Both checking and savings accounts of mine together don't even total $45, before buying the tickets and paying this month's $70 American Express bill.

Master P - Oooohhhweee

Oh, and about that "somebody" that I shouldn't like from the previous dream post I had, yeah, she had blue eyes in the dream. I just remembered that when somebody was talking about having green eyes. And this person, in real life, doesn't have blue eyes, so I guess that sort of saves me from a very odd dream. And it just goes to show that dreams mean nothing. Unless, somehow, this person got blue contacts because I remember looking into her eyes in the dream and they were a very clear blue, dark, but clear, and pretty too, and it was very significant because I hardly ever look into other people's eyes, and it was odd that in my dream, I looked for such a long time into this girl's eyes. Just thought I'd point that out.

Better Than Ezra - Desperately Wanting